The mind is a funny thing. Work has been frustrating and I am stuck in
a sort of cannot be arsed loop. Lots of waiting for others to get
stuff done and a bit of too many projects to keep in mind at once with
some good old Covid related 'the business is suffering so lets cut our
nose to spite ourselves' thinking over resources. Add to that some
realisation that I have made some mistakes for sourcing and so will be
late and I found myself spiraling yesterday and today. Yesterday's
spiral was stopped through having to make last minute planning changes
for Scouts last night. It did not feel a significant spiral though.
Today felt bad. Anger appeared. Anger is unusual for me, especially
when it becomes a driving emotion and so it can be a trigger that
something is rather wrong mentally. Today, I got out of the spiral of
negativity, anger and helplessness through music distraction. The past
couple of hours has been fundamentally listening to a lot of soul
to make the body feel something different, some 60s psych like 13th
Floor Elevators and Cream for musical power gasps and finally some
System of a Down and Rammstein for a feeling of purification. The soul
lead to dancing while washing up, the psychadelia expands the mind and
the metal leads to air drumming tiredness. It is odd but it helps.
However, working out if the pressing issues are side effects or root
cuases is important but difficult. I am fairly convinced work is the
main root cause with some help from bad quality sleep. Though an open
mind is important. Fault finding the mind is hard. I had a bad
reaction from my team after a resource planning session with another
department. They are also tired and I was expecting a negative
reaction but probably not quite so negative. Time to start meditating
daily again to clear the mind of the monkey jibber jabber I suppose.
