I'm back at SDF! I'm very happy that I am back. So much have transpired in the
past month -- and all for the good. The reason for my departure from SDF was
really unfounded. I allowed my paranoia and irrationality to dictate my actions
at that time. In case you are not aware, I suffer from Generalized Anxiety
Disorder or GAD and I, most of the time, let it win and take over my life. I
have received Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for it and yet I still
relapse. It is very difficult to live a good normal happy life when you suffer
from it. I think some of my reasons were valid for leaving last year but I could
have resolved all of these right there and then through discussion with the
people involved and yet I didn't. I let my impulses run amock.
Just this past month, I have realized that my state of mind and emotional state
had been getting worse - spewing negativities and attacks towards people and
group of people who did not share my values across social media and the Internet
in general, redirecting my misery towards members of my family and the
workplace, etc. I thought maybe all of these were the ones making my life
miserable and perhaps I could turn all of these around and make them a bit more
positive. A talk with one of SDF admins, smj, while I was assuming a different
handle online, had also helped me realize the graveness of all these nonsensical
madness. He reminded me that life is too short and why spend all your remaining
energy into negativities? So, since then, I had been correcting all the mistakes
that I have made in the past year -- apologizing to people I may have offended,
deleting negative and attacking posts on social media, rekindling lost
relationships, etc.
I have never felt this good for a very long time. I have been feeling happier
these days. It was like taking a big heavy load off my chest (or shoulders).
I made a promise to myself that from now on, no more sudden drastic actions,
block negative thoughts and try to practise a more positive and constructive way
of thinking, no more speaking my mind out loud especially in social media, avoid
sensitive topics (I have failed miserably many times in the past dealing with
these so I think it would be better if I just avoid them entirely), and respect
other people's values, religious and political beliefs and not force my own
into others. For now I will work with these. I have recently adapted a new
motto in life: "Just go with the flow".
You may already be aware that I have decided to take a break from my 4 day a
week live radio show on Tilderadio (The Intergalactic Wasabi Hour). I have
decided to do this so I could focus on many things that I have been neglecting
due to the huge amount of time I spend on that particular show which include
self-reflection, planning on my next career move, and just spending more time on
relaxation -- just to name a few, and it's been helping a great deal so far. I
still continue to stream "DJ Kyoko Time" and "DJ Kate's Tales From The Crates"
on Tilderadio but these are more relaxed shows that do not involve a great deal
of time and energy to prepare since they are shorter (half hour each), I stream
the show live 2 or 3 times a week without talking on the mic and with minimal
interaction on IRC, then add them to my repository for fully automated
restreaming using cron. I even added a new impromptu open mic show on
aNOnradio's open mic timeslot - "THE DJ LUCAS THE ANARCHIST SHOW" - only half
an hour streaming once or twice per week. I really enjoy creating this content.
I also restream and add new "DJ Daniel's Blast From The Past" open mic shows. I
enjoy doing these so why stop streaming entirely?
I am also in the middle of a possible job/company switch. These past few weeks I
have found a new job with another company. I have already accepted the offer and
scheduled to start next month, however, I have a feeling my current employer
will counteroffer. I'll see what happens tomorrow when I give my notice. So
yeah, I have been very agitated, confused, uncertain and stressed out lately
but I have been trying my best to just relax. I guess I'll let fate decide
where my life goes -- I feel much better and less stressed out when I do it
this way.
