i did not write this but thought his take on 'nare' (==ingrained
experience, practice, habit) and change was interesting.
(From an online discussion re: Buddhism, self-improvement, etc.
Slight editing for clarity).
# begin quote
"The concept of /nare/
Basically, people get used to something and can not extract themselves
from all the entanglements that get associated with it.
This can apply to all kinds of situations, like staying at a job,
addiction, or even keeping company with people that you call friends.
My example: everybody told me my ex was "off" (not retarded off)
and I just kept trying to apply more love and hope under the idea
she'd come around. It took mountain moving effort to break away
and universe shattering realization that I was fucked up from
way earlier than I thought. I spent a long time, trying to figure
out why I stayed around for so long even knowing that my relationship
was broken.
I ended up calling it /nare/ based on the Japanese word because it
also has connotations of being more than getting used to something.
When you enter the zone of /nare/ everything is normal and those
around you are wrong. Also, you look for ways to prove your sanity
and to prove your word as gospel. You might turn to religion or
find ways to prove that breaking away from what is breaking you
isn't what you want -- which is to stay in that situation. Your
friends and family are also wrong.
You dont want to face reality because *your* reality is so comfortable
-- even though you could be a victim...
How do you break it? Well, how do you break a habit or stop doing
something that is second nature? Like I said earlier, it's a huge
problem. It takes a life changing event or a huge amount of will
power.
Because humans prefer the state of /nare/, it's always easy to return
to that death sentence. You have lived it before and since you
didn't obviously die, it's not all that bad. I'd surmise that some
people actively search out another situation that will end the same
way because that is what's easiest. It's hard to break the habit
of /nare/.
The best hope is to form a new habit that is better than the one
you just got out of. I look at my new wife as a better habit --
it's obviously a way healthier relationship, yet, I see /nare/ here
too. Some of my old habits still exist but at least they are the
less damaging ones.
Even if you attained Buddhahood, you still have /nare/ because it's
better with breaking away from all the bad habits."
