Guidelines
----------
When a user is calling in need of help, don't forget that he is a
weakling. Only a loser would need to come groveling to you, begging
for crumbs of help that may fall from your godlike lips. And he
knows that he is a loser in the race of the weak and the strong,
that his kind is doomed to extinction. Therefore, show him no
mercy. Treat him with the utter contempt that he deserves. It is
the law of nature that you should do so.
Key Phrases:
* "You aren't very smart, are you?"
* "I can't believe you call yourself a programmer!"
* "Our product is obviously too complex and advanced for
you. Please desist from using it--you are soiling it."
Nevertheless, there may come a time when you actually must help the
user, even though he is sucking away your magnificent intellectual
vitality with his grotesque shambling confusion. He is a lower form
of life and you must make him feel it, lest he take on ambitions of
evolving to your level.
Key Phrases:
* "Now I will read aloud the section of the manual that you
failed to comprehend."
* "You have ignominiously blundered on line 35, committing an
error that a Mongoloid programming an abacus would be ashamed
of."
* "What you've done in your function foo is the coding
equivalent of failing to empty your colostomy bag."
Alas, upon occasion there comes a time when it is obvious that the
compiler is at fault. This is no reason to let the user feel
superior to anyone, however. The design of a compiler is still far
beyond his limited mental capacities. His duty is to worship, not
criticize.
Key Phrases:
* "The inner workings of the compiler are far beyond your
ant-like comprehension."
* "That behavior is described in ANSI specification
21.11.45.7.3.8. You are familiar with that section, I
assume..."
* "Our software can behave in that manner only if it has been
corrupted by long exposure to users of your caliber."
And finally, a user may eventually want you to code something for
him, or send him an example. The user has asked something that is
against the laws of nature. Such creatures as himself exist to
serve you and not you him. Therefore such a request is impossible
and against nature, and does not exist, and therefore never
happened. Response is not possible.
