Pride for me has somewhat of a strange layer-cakeness to it.
Deep down, I feel pride in myself. Self-esteem? I don't know
what that is really, but that's probably what it is. But I've
learned to hide it and appear humble when necessary. I also
listen to the advice of others and consider it. Being wrong is a
useful tool for me for self-improvement and doesn't affect my
sense of pride. Is accepting being wrong, humility? I don't
know. I don't like being wrong at first, but I've grown to
appreciate its value and now seek out opportunities to be wrong.
Yet I also appear boastful at times. I speak of my achievements
and use myself as an example frequently. I do that for
authenticity, because I don't believe I can honestly speak for
the entire human race, as much as I'd like to, so i use myself.
Some people don't like it. And that's fine.
I am proud of the achievements of others. Not so much the big
things, but the little things. I get a heart-felt sense of pride
when I notice a realization in someone's eyes or words or
actions, a spurt of growth in some direction that seems
beneficial to me. I don't always point it out, because that can
kill it. Sometimes I do, if they seem to want the support.
So what's real and authentic and what's acting and what's
fooling myself? Heck if I know. I honestly think sometimes that
I'm just a dog barking. <--- false humility or real? A bit of
both most likely.
