Oh threats need to be dealt with. To me, that's right in the
moment if possible.
Saying "Thank You" is not a wimpy act. It is an act of defiance:
*you did not get me to emotionally react*. Say thank you, stand
your ground. It's not for everybody. You have to be strongly
willed to do it.
Saying thank you without smugness and waiting for their next
response can result in further insults. It can result in a
punch. In that case, you punch back. You run away. You choose
your response.
And again... this is for low-key bullying. There are many
levels.
My first response is: Take them literally. Act as if they have
the best of intentions for you and are just saying it wrong.
It works in a good portion of cases because of a strange thing:
A *lot* of bullies _want friends_ but don't know how to make
friends properly. But they *do* know how to mock.
Many times someone is a bully and doesn't know it. They pick on
someone because they like them, not realizing that the person
they pick on cries in their pillow at night or is shocked when
they react to built-up pressures inside and have a rage
response.
My main concern that I deal with is low-key first level. The
individual bully against a victim. Remove the bully victim
categories and change them into friends with a misunderstanding.
The dynamics change. There is a possibility of friendship.
why did that person single you out to call you that name?
There's something about you that is interesting to them.
Find out what that is.
Now, this does NOT work with groups of three or more, unless you
focus on the leader. You have to be saavy and ignore the "me
toos" of the others.
It's social engineering. Kids have to do it daily from 2nd/3rd
grade onwards, usually out of the radar of the adult world.
I learned to navigate it young. I have a system that works and
I've taught many on an informal basis.. But it doesn't work as
well with groups in real life. The dynamics are different. Much
different.
I don't like groups. I focus on individuals and showing people
how to remove the labels from themselves by seeing them as EMPTY
words and _not_ trying to attach words like BULLY on the person
doing the undesirable thing and VICTIM on yourself.
Words _can_ have meaning but they don't *have* to.
You can render somebody else's "intent" COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS
by changing the definitions for yourself. It's extraordinarily
powerful.
I've also never seen a collective solution to this problem. I
don't believe it exists. Maybe you've found it, and I hope you
have and I hope it works. To me, the soldiers are individuals
and have to have the power to choose good actions in the heat of
the moment and need an arsenal to work with. Empowerment of
fortitude. Empowerment of becoming unflappable. All learnable
skillsets. None of them perfect.
You can't control what happens to you. But you can control your
response.
