Not quite the same, but I was going to work with kids in my
early 20s. I did for a bit: volunteered full time at a cerebral
palsy center for a solid year. Loved it. They offered me a job.
I was so excited. But, I didn't take the deadlines for medical
checkup and stuff seriously enough. I figured there was leeway.
Nope. No leeway. I had plenty of time to do everything and
didn't, and on the deadline date, I was missing 1/2 of what I
needed to give them. Got called in, and that was that. *and* I
couldn't go back to volunteering because of the possibility of
retribution. It was a law - Believe it or not, that's an issue:
if someone gets fired they can cause problems, and being a
delicate population, the laws are justifiably very cautious in
that area, so I couldn't blame them. I was heartbroken for days
and kicking myself. Some of the parents asked me to work with
their kids on the weekends and stuff but I just couldn't even
think about that. I was too emotional to think straight. After
getting over the sadness of it, I thought about other careers
but then I looked down at my hand. No wedding ring. No picture
of a girlfriend in my wallet to show people. At that time I was
inbetween dating, idealistic about "saving the world" in my own
fashion and didn't want the relationship turmoil. I though, 'How
does this appear? Single white male in his early 20s, wants to
work with children". Shit. I knew I'd have to fight against
skeptical eyes, murmurs and whispers, little comments and such.
Not from all or most, because most people aren't judgemental.
But, a few ALWAYS are - and the fear of those few made me decide
to scrap the idea altogether and pursue other work. I don't
regret it, not really. It's the kind of work I could pursue at
any point in life. I had other skills, more profitable, less
idealistic, and I pursued those instead. But I felt bad for
those who were all idealistic with good hearts and no fall back.
I didn't fear conforming to all the stereotypical fears: I'm not
that way. But I feared matching _some_ of the characteristics,
enough for people to jump to conclusions. Wasn't worth the
strain. It can be an uphill battle when you don't conform to
stereotypes and people desperately expect you to. Sometimes the
battle isn't worth it.
