"I really have no words for this ._. I'm just gonna slap this on
a concrete slate where the entire world can see and say there is
a reason why I receive notifications from this man, and there is
a reason why I follow this man. every post he makes widens my
mind even further then it already was before, and each post
teaches me something as well as makes me feel something. after
reading just 1 post I believe it was 1 or 2 years ago everytime
I see a notification from +[1]KENNETH UDUT, I tap, and I read.
p.s. it's kinda sad that I learn more from 1 person on the
internet then I do from 8 to 14 teachers in school =H= and HE
DOESN'T EVEN GIVE ME HOMEWORK XDDD " ==
[2]Kenneth-Udut-I-learn-more-from-him-than-school ==== my
response ==== You just reminded me in a huge way why I'm doing
all of this.* I forget sometimes.* I sat here for five minutes
stunned, instant reaction from my eyes, inside of glasses
suddenly wet for some strange reason and a deep 'something'
feeling inside.* i don't know what it's called.* I'm not good at
naming my own emotions very well. This is why.* This.* This.*
This. This sense that "somebody understands me".* This sense
that "I'm understood"... that somebody took the time to step in
my brain and feel the feelings I can't even name myself and
understand the parts of me better than I do.** I want to make a
difference.* I know there's goodness out there.* I KNOW there's
goodness out there.* I try everything to find goodness and it's
here. It's here. I know why I'm here.* I know why humans are
here.* _This_ - this is why we're here.* This is why we all
communicate with each other.* "Just notice me".* Notice me.* You
noticed me. Everybody is my senpai.* Everybody is. I'm forever a
kohai.* I'm the little boy who desperately wants to be the
preacher, the professor, the guy who people point to and say,
"Him: he's worth listening to" and yet I'm surprised when
anybody does. Thank you for noticing me.* You strengthened me
where I didn't even realize I was weak. Keep being you, * and
doing WHATEVER it is that brings you that sense of fulfillment
in life.* You have my full respect and gratitude.* Thank you and
I will continue doing whatever it is that I'm doing: you helped
me see that I must be doing something right and I believe you.*
I believe you.* Thanks :D ============================= What
this inspired me to write later on on Facebook:
============================= Regarding the image: I'm not even
sure who this is. It's somebody who started following me at some
point. I just received this tonight. Now, here's what this got
me to write just now. It's very long but I had to get it out of
me. =================================================== Goals
can be useful tools. Look far off into the horizon, have an
objective, schedule milestones and set up a series of tasks to
complete for each segment. Future oriented. They are very useful
tools for many aspects of life. In the USA, they're incorporated
into our schools and work lives. "Where do you see yourself five
years from now?" Anybody in the USA (and perhaps elsewhere as
well) has been asked this question. Some people know just what
they want. Some people have a vague idea. Some come up blank,
the question nearly meaningless. I was always the third. I still
am. I do set goals and objectives and have used the typical
tools of structured achievement when necessary, but they're not
"me". I'm not goal oriented in quite the same fashion. My goals
are further off into the future than I can ever see and where I
see goes very far indeed but it does begin to get hazy and
unclear. My goals are hopes and trusts. I have strong hopes for
humanity and trust that time and people doing whatever it is
they do, will lead us both to progress and retreat, status quo,
stability and change alike. Diplomacy is the way but it is not
everybody's way and so war and division will likely continue
just as they have always done. So, such is how it is. So, what
tiny part do I play in these goals without timelines and
objectives without solid form? Being myself. Encouraging others
to do the same. But who is myself? What am I asking of people
when I encourage them to "be themselves", cliche phrase that it
is? Does that mean, "Be independent?" Maybe. Maybe it means
follow the crowd that you find suitable. Maybe pretending to be
somebody else *is* how you are "being yourself". I don't know.
It's not up to me. So, i try to speak for myself more often than
attempting to speak for universals, as I can't know what
everybody's selves needs or wants or shoulds are. Of course,
sometimes I speak of them anyway. But I try to speak from my
perspective as much as I can. So, there's me. Who am I? What
*is* my perspective? What is my purpose? What is my goal for
myself? Am I a particular role? Am I many roles? Of course.
Society is a generally scripted thing - the roles are out there
to play and people have expectations of you depending on what
role they see you in. So, on stage I go in life, as perhaps we
all do, and perform as needed at times. But then, what's my own
script? Do I know it? Who is writing it? Is it written? Is it a
work in progress? I don't know. Yet, sometimes I get a clue.
Tonight, several hours ago, I was tagged on a message on another
network. I read it and I sat here, stunned. I express myself
freely in the online environment. I share what is important to
me at that moment and try to write it or put it together in a
way that I think will be accessible and understandable as well
as something that expresses things that are hard or impossible
to put into words. What's hard or impossible for me to put into
words? Me. Putting myself into everything so that I'm passed on
along with the message... perhaps in the words.. perhaps in the
spaces between words... but, somehow. Perhaps I do have personal
goals. A form of immortality through making a difference. Being
allowed to observe some part of the impact I might have had on
somebody's existence. A moment where they felt noticed,
included, belonging, understood, for that is what I want as
well: To be noticed, included, belonging, understood. Even more
than that: Mattering. So here, I got this. To know that someone
has been watching, observing, following, paying attention,
listening, feeling - all from something I do as a process of my
participation in online life: is humbling. Amazing. Almost
ridiculous. No prize compares to this for me. No lottery. No
Nobel Prize. I know there is good in the world. I know there is.
I don't need this kind of feedback to know this. If nobody
talked to me I'd still know this is true. But still: that
somebody took time out of their day to say something? It not
only affirms my hope and trust in humanity but also lets me know
that perhaps... I do play some small part of the good in the
world. I don't believe myself but I believe her. So, if you've
read all of this: Thank you. I don't have enough words to
express it. The takeaway of it all? Take a moment to let
somebody know what difference they've made to you. I got my
prize. Maybe there's somebody who won't expect to receive a
prize from you, but can. Let them know how they've made a
difference to you. I can tell you first hand, it's amazing.
References
Visible links
1.
https://plus.google.com/116220525110856958463
2.
http://icopiedyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Kenneth-Udut-I-learn-more-from-him-than-school.jpg
