I did an experiment 2.5 yrs ago. I decided to capture my every
thought. I used index cards. Little stacks of them all over. I
work from home. I can do that. For 3 months I wrote down every
thought as it occurred, sometimes 4 or 5 cards at a time. [one
thought per card]. I have thousands of cards. Scanned 700 of
them then got bored. I'm aware of thoughts coming and going.
Feelings coming and going. I'm not special but I'm quite aware
of the experience of experience. It's not rocket science, just
attentiveness. == What? I explicitly objectified my thoughts. I
never said they couldn't be objectified. But experience
described and experience that's had - are they the same or
different? I don't know. == I must be missing something that
you're implying - and my brain does not process imply / infer
type things very well. In short, my mind-reading capabilities
don't work. I need more from you to understand what you're
inferring. == Oh that. Well consider how experience works: It's
driving a car in reverse. Something happens. Then we apply what
we know about the past and come up with a story. It's about
400ms afterwards - a long time really and our grammar systems
fully kick in. They can kick in sooner but the n400 point is
pretty universal. There's a cognitive dissonance with new input.
We analogize to existing systems as best we can to resolve it
because it's awkward feeling. But ultimately, we're using the
further past to describe the most recent past but still past.
Always past. == It's ALWAYS made up ideas in the head == Well I
gave my constructive POV. My experience however is more of
inhibition: I have to IGNORE nearly all of the input that's
coming at me. It's not so much 'focusing' for me... it's being
attentive to the things I can't ignore. == My ideas are not goal
oriented. It's more "with" than "at" for me. = Only if I let
them consume me. They don't. I work with them. The locusts are
my buddies. == The cart and the horse are part of a system -
experience is a cooperation between systems. == Yes, I'm a
pragmatist. I don't expect perfect anythings, honestly. == The
nature of that input changes the nature of thought. It makes a
big difference if you are a computer receiving inputs or a human
being or a goldfish. == Oh determine it? Consciousness exists.
I'm a pragmatist ultimately. Who is typing here? Me. Who is
questioning this stuff? Me. Even if it's all picked apart and
objectified, still won't make a me, just like identifying parts
of a butterfly that's on a board means you're REALLY describing
a butterfly. A butterfly has to do butterfly things. Kenneth
Udut's have to do Kenneth Udut things. SO it's a combination. ==
I can't escape first person. I never understood this 3rd person
stuff ppl do. I honestly fake it because if I kept speaking
subjectively, ppl wouldn't understand me. == Not for me. I'm
doing is as a concession right now because I enjoy the process
of communication with other people, especially at the keyboard
on the Internet, whose intelligence levels are comparable and I
can be long-winded without them running away. But
experientially? There's no words for my experience... not that
would happen fast enough. == Consciousness isn't spooky to me
though. Never was. I don't know if our experiences are
comparable fully. I just hope I can produce analogies that are
comprehensible enough to express the 'gist' of my experience. ==
There's other things too that play in. Social things. Some can
feign agreement. Lie. Fake. How do I know? I don't. I can just
hope. Now if someone has had a oneness experience similar to
what I go through, they usually 'get me' in a short time. For
others, it takes longer, more words. So, I dunno. Some things
are difficult to put logically and rationally in a few words on
a forum on the Internet. == I gave oneness as an example. For
example, right now, I'm aware of a multitude of things I can
describe. The air touching the spot three inches back from my
wrist is a little colder than the air touching my skin two
inches back. There's several hairs on the top 1/3 of my scalp,
halfway between the two sides that's wanting to push opposite
the other hairs. There's a tickle in my right nostril I have to
itch soon. My legs feel cold and warm simultaneously as I sit in
the outside air on my porch. I can describe (just itched the
nose, invalidating a portion of the prior paragraph), my wrists
touching the keyboard and their weight, and the sensation of the
keys as I type. I can also try to describe my experience of you
Chris as I am communicating, what my thoughts are of you as a
person, as a communicator, as a debator,and how we're connected
right now through spacetime in a very real tangible, measurable
way yet not all of it, as communication is slow between people
and takes time for confidence that there is agreement. I'm aware
of my place on the planet, where I am. I wonder how many people
are doing any number of things right now. I feel connected to
people who I don't know and don't see who are experiencing the
same experience that I am in an analogous way. You might be one
of them, might not be, but they're there. I feel dissonance and
release. I don't feel separate from everything that's around me.
I notice the hairs move as I breath, my breathing rate, I feel
the air enter and exhale, and I know what I'm thinking and
feeling as it's happening. How do I describe that quickly? How
do I know that this full experience of connectednes is shared
with anybody else? Ultimately, I don't. Private minds. == Now by
DESCRIBING IT it turned a oneness into a multiplicity that's
incomplete. A skeleton of words without meat. == You can do it
wherever you are. Takes practice. I never found being alone in a
quiet room meditating as useful as walking around with it. I did
it explicitly once - writing down my every thought - even the
background ones - as they were happening. Awesome experiment -
I'm still on it really - this is a part of it just with more
focus. == Occasionally defocus. Literally - look away from what
you're doing. Be aware of literally where you are on a map on
this planet. Feel the gravity under you and such. Awareness of
your presence of body assists awareness of thought processes and
emotions as they're happening. ==
