I'm probably on the autistic spectrum. I don't know where. I've
had people who have Asperger's tell me "Yup, you're an Aspie"
but the thing is I have a very strong sense of empathy towards
people (and things too. I don't ask for it, just how I'm wired I
guess) and people often think "I'm just like them". So, I dunno.
But I always found autistic and severally handicapped ppl people
I could relate to. I never related to people that fit in the
bell curve; but I always related to people who fell outside of
the norms, on any of the edges of it. [slow, gifted, didn't
matter, so long as they were misfits to the systems in place]
Still, it's possible. I once saw a book on what makes people
with autism different. Or maybe it was a book on ADD. I dunno...
... and it mentioned making long lists of rules for even the
smallest things. Mental lists.. being extremely rational about
things other people would just 'intuit' or assume. Rang bells
with me in a big way, and since I'm pretty sure the book was on
autism or Asperger's rather than ADD, and other things in the
book matched, it's likely I fit it to some degree. Then again, I
see sociopaths, friends with some, see some examples of them and
I can see how *they're* thinking too. It might not be MY way,
but I can see why they think the way they do, and the logic they
use makes sense, just not my logic. So, I dunno. ===== I have
sensory overload. Too much input at once and I have to get out
of the situation. Usually groups of people. Might be due to
partial deafness (ok, it's severe but I don't flaunt it or do
anything about it except listen more closely - was born with it
so it's normal to me) but also I can 'feel' the emotional vibes
in a room. I don't feel what they feel, I just notice it and I'm
ok unless I get dragged into it. Then, it's doom for me. Tunnel
vision, ears red, brain a mile a minute. Hasn't happened in a
long time because I construct my life so I don't have to deal
with those situations. As a kid, they'd call me 'inconsolable".
I'd get into a "state" and nobody could reach me, whatever that
meant. Biofeedback training at 11 fixed most of it. Breathing
techniques, guided meditation, new age-y shit for the time
(early 80s) but more accepted now. I got to control a computer
with my mind: that was cool. I still do it that way, just with
my fingers typing as well tongue emoticon Anyway, I could
*probably* be as close to an example of someone who PROBABLY is
autistic that you find in the group, unless somebody better
comes along smile emoticon I can also describe strange nerve
things I get as well. Skin overload. Awful stuff that is. Ah,
and i rocked back and forth a lot as a kid. Classic autism
thing. Usually when I played the piano (like that blind black
guy does), although i was able to stop it... but sometimes I'd
rock for no reason. Stimming they call it. Self-comforting
behavior. == Indeed. Now for me, the rules are all internal
rules. I don't speak them or write them down. they're just my
internal "sorting mechanism" for figuring out situations.
Ethics, morality, right and wrong - when some people say "it's
all relative" for me it *really* is, because I can see different
overlapping moralities and where they intersect and disjoin. But
as far as my own? I have long lists of social rules but I have
no idea what my own are internally, except for a few very basics
surrounding civility. == I was never 'moved' by Philosophy or
philosophers, strangely enough. I only "dove in" about a year
ago in a serious study because it was something I've mostly
avoided. I was 42, and didn't know squat or care about Kant or
Mills or much of any of it, except a few I already liked, mostly
in the pragmatist camp. I think I have a very strong internal
ethic as well as very strong morals. But they come down to a few
strong rules of each and they're my guiding principles. Yet,
they've always been mine. I don't recall ever feeling a sense of
Universal ethics or Universal morals with, again, the major
exception of civility. I have no idea where that came from, but
it stuck. Anything more than that tends to be logic games to me
and although I can play them, I only seem to utilize my existing
systems with everything filtered through that. == It's likely
we've come to the same places from divergent directions. Stuff
about Jesus or Buddha or King, I remember thinking, "I could do
that. That's the kind of stuff I'd do in that situation. That's
probably how I'd think if I were there". Empathy. Always seems
to be front and center. Very "right brained". On tests for this
stuff, I end up "100% creative" whatever that might mean. I'm
just myself. INFP (if that holds any meaning or explanatory
value) For me, the empathy is something I've had to build walls
around for safety. "Emotional manipulation": that's my enemy. I
can spot it before it happens, and avoid or confront it, and
I've got a whole arsenal of mental tools available for the
purpose. Avoidance, is of course, easiest. I'm even wary of
emotionally manipulating myself, and don't allow myself to enter
into certain thought processes that can lead down dark alleyways
and into logic mazes of dead ends and Minotaurs waiting. So,
lots of practice smile emoticon == I can stand naked online. In
person, I stand naked with strangers. No problems. With people I
know? Eh, not so much. Their baggage goes with them - it's
almost visual for me - and their projection of the
me-I'm-not-that-they-expect can be overwhelming, so most of my
avoidance practice is with those I know, rather than those I
don't, to whom I can be more or less transparent. M I/E is like
65/35 - something like that. I'm SUPER-HIGH on the intuitive. My
T/F is nearly 50/50 (I think 45T/55F.. and my perceiving is as
off the chart as is my intuitive. Love this stuff. Took my first
test in the early 90's and been a fan ever since.. Even if it's
fluff scientifically, it's as good a personality sorting tool as
I've seen and it's fun. ==
