I've tried to find successful turkey bacon. Haven't. They can
  turn turkey into anything except bacon. Total fail. Decaf I
  switched to once when I was on an excess caffeine situation and
  wanted to detox a little but I love my coffee. Went back to
  caffeine once I realized it was the ephedrine and Niacin excess.
  Non alcoholic beer _could_ work if I switched it in regular
  bottles/cans... if I wanted to subvertly use my clear-thinking
  to rationally overcome a group of drunk people who thought I was
  drunk like them and cause them to do my bidding... but generally
  best avoided.