I hope you find your way out. I believe you can. How though, I'm
not sure. What annoys you the least, besides drugs, that you
don't mind doing each day? Maybe doing more of something you
don't mind doing could bring you out of some of it. Maybe. -- I
have an insatiable curiousity about certain subjects that keeps
me going. I enjoy researching things and have several ongoing
projects.* I live in my head and I have a "no emotional
manipulation" policy in my brain. Even TV commercials. I get
angry when I feel as if I'm being emotionally manipulated and I
shut it out or even leave the room. I do the same with people or
at least try. Takes constant practice, and being surrounded by
emotional manipulators gives me PLENTY of opportunities to
practice my skills and standing firm and rational, trying to
keep from being pulled into somebody else's
negative/angry/jealous/downward-spiral worlds. Other things I do
is create. I make Vines for example. Silly thing - 6 second
videos. I've made 13,000+ so far over the past two years and
somehow gathered a bunch of followers. So I make it a mission to
respond to everybody publically and try to boost their
self-esteem by liking and commenting on their videos. Service. I
think that's what it is. Maybe I can be the world to someone
without even knowing it one day. Maybe not, but i keep at it. I
guess what I mean is, I have a lot of coping skills that I use
to fight depression and anger alike... and I have to practice
them frequently because I have a natural tendency to get
overwhelmed by stuff very quickly. Anyway, that's my tale. I
don't see any reason you couldn't continue doing exactly what
you do, just maybe a little more of "something else" each day -
not as a replacement, but an "add-on".
