I call it melancholy though. I don't let myself call it
  depression or sadness. Those are special words. I consider it:

  "Melancholy asserting itself"

  Then I remind myself, "I'm here." I really let that sink in.
  Where I am. When I am. How is that even possible? How much more
  possible it is that I shouldn't be here.

  Sometimes it snaps me into place a little better. Sometimes I
  just keep staring at the ceiling and random melancholy songs
  play in my head. So, I let them play on and enjoy the inner tune
  as best I can until I pass out or get restless and then do
  something.. like get online.

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