It took not giving a shit about ppls perceptions of me. Took
some training.. Best thing ever. I mean, there's _some things_ I
think and don't say. But I don't edit. I hardly filter - I mean,
I won't type out motherfucking cocksucking asshole licking son
of a bitch just because the words travel across the phonological
loop and get stuck there for six seconds or so...
but generally speaking, I just "feel" and type. I want to unfake
everybody but I can't control them - nor would that be right of
me to do so. They have a right to be assholes if they like. Or
be fake. Or play games. Or act out scripts they saw in a movie
when they were little kids and think is reality. [see: most
romances. see: most wars etc].
They got their little hamster balls to roll around in. I got
mine smile emoticon [I lied when I said I don't edit. Notice,
the above message says "Edited". I'm also a liar but I strive
for earnest and honesty and I attempt authenticity as much as
possible. Lots of ego walls to go through. Still working on
them. Every conflict gives me an opportunity to work on it, but
I have a LONG way to go] Wait here: Without the excuses. I am a
liar. I posture and I'm as full of shit as anybody else on this
planet. I hate admitting it of course. I want to be better-than.
Anyway, I'm babbling. Cathartic I guess. tongue emoticon Thanks
for inspiring me to do ALL that writing above. Maybe you didn't
know you could be an inspiration, but in any case, you inspired
me. Thanks for the challenge earlier. Keep doing what you do,
however you do it, whatever you do
