I've searched for years for "my people" or "my clan". I've
complained about it for... well, decades, at least since I was a
teenager. I always felt different, set aside, apart,
separate-from.
*
I still do to a fundamental degree. But such is being human at
some level.
*
What has changed in me however, and I am not suggesting it is
superior; everybody's road is unique to them - just that it is
on the path that I'm on at present; is this:
*
I find the remnants of my people in other people. Some people
seem to have nearly none. Some have more than others.
*
Considering that I am a member of a species which seems to have
a common root, and due to the fact that I am a _part of_ this
very same species that makes so little sense to me most of the
time, I almost feel it a duty.
*
It's what I mean when I say that I search to find "the humanity"
in others. I'm looking for those parts that reflect "me" back
and I recognize myself in them. This doesn't require agreement
with my beliefs, but rather a kind of mutual understanding of
some kind.
*
You and I are communicating. You are of my clan because we are
talking. Yet there are levels of being a "part of". I don't have
them all laid out... but a desire for some sort of mutual
understanding of a deeper part of ourselves is definitely
something that is of "my lost people".
*
I am not the ultimate member of it. I don't know who is, or _if_
anybody is. But that's what keeps me going, especially when I
deal with individuals who seem so radically different than me.
In those cases, I don't expect a "mutual" understanding, but
rather I try to see parallels, where I might be doing exactly
the same thing that they do that doesn't make sense to me... but
I do it in a different way.
*
Gossip for example.
*
I never understood gossipers. But now I do. By way of analogy,
I'm gossiping right now with you. But instead of talking about
other people, we're gossiping about our inner selves or
gossiping about humanity in general. It's not entirely the same
of course, but in my way of thinking, it's engaging a lot of the
similar cognitive processes that they use when they gossip. I'm
just utilizing them differently, as tools for comprehending what
I consider my reality, much as they do for theirs.
