Date:         Thu, 15 Feb 1996 10:58:10 -0500 Reply-To:     Orthodox Christianity <[email protected]> Sender:       Orthodox Christianity <[email protected]> From:         Kenneth Udut <[email protected]> Organization: SOUP Leaf off of ritz.mordor.com (Jersey City, NJ, USA) Subject:      Introduction of Kenneth Udut  [please read and respond if you can - the Orthodox church may be the final step in what feels like a long journey, and I have never been able to reach a group of Orthodox or Orthodox-curious like myself...]  Greetings, my new friends at the Orthodox listserv!  My name is Kenneth Udut.  I am not presently Orthodox, but am strongly considering the Orthodox church.  Let me tell you my story:  When I was a boy, I was very involved in my childhood church (United Methodist).  I would read scripture, pray using the aid of Our Daily Bread and similar publications that have stories for thought, scripture, and prayers for each day. [it was hard to resist the temptation to sk
ip ahead!]  I was also the church custodian from age 13 to 18.  I had a short 1 1/2 year stay at college (Hampshire College, Amherst, MA), and we ran out of money, so that ended that chapter quicker than I would have liked.  At about age 21, I had a crisis that threatened everything I ever was and would be, and it is through that crisis that I realized that God is a reality, and not just a metaphor for the unknown.  (while even now, my lips may occasionally say that God, no matter what name is given to God, is just a human construct, I stlil lie in bed each night, and have a little chat with God about the day's events, and praying specifically for those people that I know need help, and those that need to be kept on the right track)...  I am 24 years old now.  For the past two/three years, I have "church hopping".  Quaker, Unitarian Universalist, various Protestant churches, and researching each church as best I could before it was time to move on.  I've felt the whisper of the call to ministry since I was a
bout 12 years old, but it became strong and a definate thing about two/three years ago.  About a year ago, I started a discussion list for ministers and ministers to be, for I want to learn about how ministers operate, think, deal with specific situations, etc.  It's an interfaith list, so many divergant groups are involved (Catholic, Episcopal, Methodist, Baptist, Independant, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, Unitarian Universalist, and Wiccan), and we get along pretty well, overall, and everybody learns a lot in the exchange.  [I don't think there are any Orthodox priests on there, though - something the list *really* could use  :->]  Anyhow, this isn't an advertisment for the Ministry list.  My explorations into the various *almost* stopped at the Catholic church.  I started temp working at Seton Hall University back in August, '95, and attended Mass each morning at 8am.  Each Communion (which I later found out was in error for me to receive :'-( ) was a transformation experience, where I gained a new insight abo
ut my life and its journey.  One morning, a group of priests-in-training sat on the other side of the pews, and I looked over and, for one very tiny moment, I locked eyes with a Seminarian.  In that brief moment, time stood still and images and sounds flashed through my brain at an amazing rate... and I knew that these were my *brothers* - that *I* belonged on the other side of the pews, that I belonged in Seminary, that I am a priest, but haven't gone through the training nor the self-discipline necessary.  I had to try *very* hard to keep from breaking down in tears.  And yet - there was always something missing.  I've gone about half-way through the 1994 Catechism of the Catholic Church, and this whisper keeps echoing in my mind, "What about the Orthodox church?  That's probably the only church you haven't looked into."  So, finally, I am heeding the call to look into the Orthodox church.  I read through various books about the history of the Orthodox church, devouring them as if I were a starving man sit
ting at a feast...  the lives of the Orthodox saints, the way that isolated cultures kept the *identical* worship service over generations of isolation...  these fill my need for authenticity, something I wasn't feeling in my Methodist upbringing.  I called an Orthodox priest two weeks ago.  We chatted for a few minutes, but I had to get back to work - and he was *so* interesting!  I called back in the afternoon, but he was out blessing houses!  Blessing houses!  Instantly, I saw myself blessing houses as an Orthodox priest, so happy to act as a vessel for the Holy Spirit to pass through and into this house...  Then I saw a grim picture of myself as a Methodist pastor, voraciously writing for next week's sermon, working on my PhD, watching as the church ladies changed my curtains, and the committee knocking down my idea for a project to keep the church open extra hours...  I called the same priest two days ago, and he was out blessing the sick.  And was I angry that he wasn't available?  No!  I was (and am)
ecstatic!  This is a BUSY man... his life is filled with spreading the blessings of the Holy Spirit throughout his church!  I'll probably regret saying this, but I look forward to a *very* busy life as a priest (whether Catholic or Orthodox, I still cannot say).  And yet - I know so little about the Orthodox church.  The more I read, the more of a mystery it becomes.  And I know no one that is Orthodox - I know many Catholics, but no Orthodox.  The Icons - when I heard of the Icons described as windows to the soul of God - I turned to my encyclopedia and found a picture.  Instantly, my eyes were locked, and I found my surroundings disappearing, and time stood still.  I also found an Orthodox page on the Internet of a wonderful woman describing her experiences as a convert to the Orthodox church - her writings brought me so much closer to the Orthodox church.  But I'm still scared to make the next steps: Visit with an Orthodox priest, and attending services.  And is it possible to live in a household that ran
ges from Atheist to childhood-Catholic to Dutch-Reform-->Catholic-->Methodist, to Anglican to Wiccan, as an Orthodox?  I've never been a fan of "shouting faith from the rooftops". One's faith is a subversive, private affair.  Okay - I've rambled for quite a while now.  BTW: I am an INFP, as described by the Myers-Briggs Temperment Index. Don't know if that means anything to anyone...  Thank you for letting me in to the list!  And thank you for letting me talk.  Where I end up will be a lifetime choice, and while no decision is without regret, I can't dedicate myself to something with uncertainty in my heart.  So please help my certainty.  Wishing you peace, Kenneth Udut <[email protected]> Listowner of the Children's Rights List <[email protected]> Listowner of the Minister's Discussion List <[email protected]> "       L-Soft list server at Indiana University (1.8d)