I don't know if you know this, but socks are really
stupid aliens. They come from the planet Remax where
they decided several decades ago to spy on the human
race. After extensive research they devised an ingenious
plan to disguise themselves as socks. They determined
socks on people's feet would go everywhere they went.
The Remaxians sent their agents disguised as matched
pairs of socks and distributed themselves cleverly among
the people. They put themselves on store shelves with
'sale' signs (some people say that's how sales got
started) and they made the perfect gift because no one
would ever question where they came from (Oh, those must
have come from Grandma).
Their plan was almost perfect except the not to bright
Remaxians forgot one important thing: when one would go
back to the planet Remax to report their findings the
other one stayed behind. Hence the mystery of the
missing sock.
That spare sock sees the darker side of human existence.
These highly skilled, specially trained agents end up
doing the lowest and dirtiest of tasks like cleaning the
oven, or sopping up spilled oil from the car. They are
very disgruntled and if their mate ever comes back to
compare stories the human race will have a lot to answer
for.
Beware Humanians, the Remaxians are still among us.
They're everywhere. Tread lightly lest ye offend a
Remaxian dignitary. Why do you think some people go
around not wearing socks? They know. Look at Don
Johnson. It hasn't made the papers here, but it's big
news in the National Empirer on Remax.
Be nice to your socks. Especially that spare sock which
you can't find the mate for. You know, they like to be
made into sock puppets. Do 'em a favor. Let them see
more of the world than just the bottom of a rag bin.
Talk to your socks. Let them know we're friendly.
