Instructions:
Read all questions thouroughly. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4
hours. Begin immediately.
History:
Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present
day. Concentrate specially but not exclusively on the social, political,
economic, religious, philosophical, and sociobiological impact on
Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.
Literature:
Compose an epic poem based on the events of your life in which you
see and footnote allusions from TS Eliot, Keats, Chaucer, Norse
mythology, and the Marx brothers. Critique your poem with a full
discussion of its metrics.
Music:
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate it and perform it with flute and
drum. You will find a piano under your seat (no synthesizers!).
Logic:
Using accepted methodology, prove all four of the following: that
the universe is infinite; that truth is beauty; that there is not
a little personthat turns off the light in the refrigerator when
you close the door; that if a tree falls in a forest and no one is
there to hear it, it doesn't make a noise; and that you are the
person taking this exam. Now disprove all of the above. Be
specific; show all work.
Philosophy:
Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance.
Compare with the development of any other kind of thought (extra credit
for comparing and contrast eastern and western philosophers, with
the exception of Confucious, Locke, Russeau, Rawls, Hobbes, Calvin, and
Ayn Rand).
Medicine:
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a
bottle of Scotch. Remove your own appendix. Do not suture until
your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.
Biology:
Create life. Est. the differences in human culture if this form of
life had developed five hundred years earlier, with special attention to
the probable effects on the English Parliamentary system. Prove
your thesis. Then, watch your life-form evolve, and report on any
differentiations from Darwinian theory.
Psychology:
Employing the principles from the major schools of psychoanalytic
thought, successfullyy subject yourself to analysis. Make appropriate
personality changes, bill yourself, and fill out all medical
insurance forms. Now, convince the person seated to your immediate left
that he/she suffers from an Oedipal/Electra complex.
Sociology:
Estimate the sociological problems that might accompany the end of
the world. Show how the boy meets girl theory developed. Contsruct an
experiment to test your theory. Prove that it takes more than four
parents to have a child.
Engineering:
The bag beside your desk contains all of the equipment necessary to
build either a .50 calibre elephant gun or a winchester .30-30 (do you
think that we'd let you cheat off those next to you?). In fifteen
minutes, a ravenous Bengal tiger will be released into the room.
Take all appropriate action.
Economics:
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace
the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the
Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method
from all points of view. Point out deficiences in your point of
view as demonstrated in your answer to the Sociology question.
Computer Science:
Define computer. Define science. How do they relate? Why? Create a
generalized algorithm to optimize all computer decisions. Solve
for pi. Solve for e. Find the integral for the equation of the
'bell curve.' Assuming a 1,133 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each
to activate your algorithm, design a communications interface and
all necessary control panels. Convince a Forbes 500 company to
install your system (the government would also suffice).
Public Speaking:
2,500 riot-crazed aboriginals are storming the classroom. Calm
them. You may use any ancient language except Latin and Greek.
Physics:
Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation
of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.
Disprove the theories of thermodynamics.
Agricultural Science:
Outline the steps involved in breeding your own superhigh yield,
all weather strain of wheat. Describe its chemical and physical
properties and estimate its impact on world food supplies.
Construct a model for dealing with world-wide surpluses. Write
your Nobel Prize acceptance speech.
Mathematics:
Answer all questions on this test that have a numerical answer in:
binary, hex, and convert to base pi. Create a mathematical model to
describe numeral equations and problems that occur in the 4th
dimension (NO EUCLID).
Political Science:
There is a red telephone under your seat. Start World War III.
Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any. If
nuclear weapons are launched, immediately yell out "you sunk my
battleship," strip, grab the exam of the person to your right, and
run out of the room, yelling, "Andri, Andri, I've got the secret
documents!"
Comprenhension:
Three minute time test. Read everything before doing anything. Put
your name in the upper right had corner of this page. Circle the word
"name" in sentence three. Sign your name under the title of this
paper. After the title, wrte "yes, yes, yes." Put an "X" in the
lower left hand corner of this paper, multiply 703 times 668.
Loudly call out your name when you get to this point. If you think
you have followed directions carefully to this point, call out "I
have." Punch three small holes in the top of the paper. If you are
the first person to get to this point, call out "I am the first
person to get to this point. I am leading in following
directions." On the reverse side of this paper, add 8950 and 9850. Put a
circle around this answer, and put a square in the circle. Now that
you have finished reading carefully, do only sentence two.
