My name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from
rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams,
extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and
executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for
not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain
letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if
you send them on, then that poor fucking 6 year old
girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be
able to raise enough money to have it removed before
her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling
freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates
is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000?
How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll
down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid
by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of
fucking bullshit. So basically, this message is a big
FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing
better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will
come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for
not continuing the chain which was started by
Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by
midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it
to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of
World Records for longest continuous streak of
blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you're going to
forward something, at least send me something mildly
fucking amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50
of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched
excuse for a human being will somehow receive a Nickel from
some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I
don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and
think about what you're actually contributing to by
sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own
unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
---------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
<Keep Scrolling>
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? :)
Hope you made a great wish :)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll
do. First of all, if you don't send this to
5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be
raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high
building into a pile of manure. It's true!
Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake
ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it
goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be
pissed off at you for sending them a stupid
chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be
pissed off at you for sending them a stupid
chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be
pissed off at you for sending them a stupid
chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will
be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid
chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
---------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter.
You see, there is a starving little boy in
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
legs, no parents, and no goats. This little
boy's life could be saved, because for every
time you pass this on, a dollar will be
donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless
Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh,
and remember, we have absolutely no way of
counting the emails sent and this is all a complete
load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to
5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a
reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4
or 6 people, you will die instantly.
Thanks again!!
---------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in
existence since 1897. This is absolutely
incredible because there was no email then
and probably not as many sad pricks with
nothing better to do.
So this is how it works... Pass this on to
15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or
something horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school
on Saturday. She had recently received this
letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a
crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer,
was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall.
Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This
Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain
letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that
day, he was hit by a car and so was his
boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way).
They both died and went to hell and were
cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for
eternity.
This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley
and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your
loser friends, and everything will be okay.
----------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 4
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
Send it to all your friends.
FRIENDS:
A friend is someone who is always at your
side.
A friend is someone who likes you even
though you stink of shit, and your breath smells
like you've been eating catfood.
A friend is someone who likes you even
though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes.
A friend is someone who cleans up for you
after you've soiled yourself.
A friend is someone who stays with you all
night while you cry about your sad, sad life/
A friend is someone who pretends they like you
when they really think you should be raped
by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs.
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet,
vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and
doesn't speak much English...no, sorry that's
the cleaning lady.
A friend is not someone who sends you chain
letters because he wants his wish of being rich
to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never
have sex ever again!
--------------------------------------------
The point being?
If you get some chain letter that's threatening
to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest
of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send
it on. Don't piss people off by making them
feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no
teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for
27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this mail,
otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?
Now forward this to everyone that you know
otherwise you'll find all your knickers missing
tomorrow morning.
