The following is a MOCK RFC, it is NOT (yet) a proper Request For
Comments.
Network Working Group N. Soffer
Request for Comments: 6666 The Hebrew University
Category: Extension June, 1998
SLTP - The Simple LART Transfer Protocol
Status of this Memo
This document specifies an Internet standards track protocol
for the Internet community, and requests discussion and suggestions
for
improvements. Please refer to the current edition of the "Internet
Official Protocol Standards" (STD 1) for the standardization state
and status of this protocol. Distribution of this memo is
unlimited.
Abstract
SLTP is a proposed protocol for the remote application of a
LART, preferably painful and heavy, on lusers who annoy a
currently incapcitated sysadmin. (Be it from being hung over,
caffeine deprived, or just playing xquake.). The protocol
works over TCP and is deriative of SMTP (RFC 821).
Acknowledgement
SLTP has been the brainchild of the denizens of
alt.sysadmin.recovery, it has been first developed for the
lartd daemon, and has evolved since. The designer of the
current version of the protocol is Nir Soffer, who can be
reached via email at
[email protected].
1. Introduction
The objective of SLTP is to efficiently and painfully distribute
a LART via TCP. The implementation of which requires some kind of
electric signal -> physical pain catalyst, in the shape and form
of electric chairs, mechanically controlled 2 by 4s, or large,
metal mallets attached to solenoids.
Since SLTP is built upon SMTP it is possible to relay LARTs, and
even store them for delayed LARTage in case a SLTP server crashes,
by use of the LX (LART eXchange) DNS option.
2. Extensions and Changes to SMTP
The following table shows the changes in commands between SMTP and
SLTP:
|----------------------------------------------------------------|
| SMTP | SLTP | Usage: |
|----------------------------------------------------------------|
|HELO |YO | YO <host> |
|----------------------------------------------------------------|
|MAIL FROM: |LART FROM:| LART FROM: <bofh> |
|-----------|----------|-----------------------------------------|
|DATA |CLUE | CLUE |
|----------------------------------------------------------------|
RCPT is now synomynous with WHAP .
The following list is a list of the extensions in SLTP and their
syntax:
LUSER
The LUSER command is designed to have several sub options,
there is only one defines as of today, it is:
CLASS
The LUSER CLASS command accepts a numeric value - or a
symbolic
value to define that number (some default symbolic values
are
in Appendix A )
The LUSER CLASS command affects the severity of the LART
received by the Recepient. From a mild zapping to a total
knock out toasting.
The LUSER CLASS command MUST be sent to the server AFTER the
LART command. It MAY be put before the RCPT command or it
after
MAY be put after the RCPT command. Otherwise a 504 error
message
is displayed. (See RFC 821, Section 4.2.2 and 4.2.1).
3. Example SLTP session:
The following is an example of an SLTP session to show you the
exact nature of SLTP. This is a simple and concise LARTage.
R: 220 <host> LART server ready on port 666.
S: YO <host>
R: 250 Yo My Man, Nice to meetcha.
S: LART FROM: <bofh>
R: 250 Sure, man.
S: RCPT TO: <luser>
R: 250 Sure, man.
S: LUSER CLASS: <class>
R: 250 Sure, man.
S: CLUE
R: 354 Start clue input; end with <CRLF>.<CRLF>
S: Disk quota is finite, fuckhead.
S: .
R: 250 Sure, man.
S: QUIT
R: 221 Seeya around, homeboy.
Appendices:
Appendix A: Luser Class values:
In general, the lusers cluelessness rating varies between 2 values,
1, and 500. The following is a table to show numeric -> real life ->
default symbolic value ratios.
|-------------------------------------------------------------------|
| Numeric Range | Symbolic | Detail
|
| / Value | names |
|
|-------------------------------------------------------------------|
| 1 | fine | He's a luser alright, but one
|
| | zap | that may actually learn from a
|
| | | LART.
|
|-------------------------------------------------------------------|
| 100 | moron | He just asked for a Win'98
|
| | sizzle | upgrade.
|
|-------------------------------------------------------------------|
| 200 | dimwit | He just asked for a Win'98
|
| | burn | upgrade....
|
| | | ...On his laser printer.
|
|-------------------------------------------------------------------|
| 300 | fuckhead | He just got sassy. He deserves
|
| | fsckhead | to be in agonizing pain.
|
|-------------------------------------------------------------------|
| 400 | droolingchimp| The internet isn't down, you
|
| | | stupid fsck.
|
|-----------------|--------------|----------------------------------|
| 500 | spammer | Don't *WHAP* *WHAP* touch *WHAP*
|
| | toasty | *WHAP* THAT! AKA 'Too stupid to
|
| | | live.'
|
|-----------------|--------------|----------------------------------|
