I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other
half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of
space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the
explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the
polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the
house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a
rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
My stigmata's acting up.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my
previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know
we have that deadline to meet...
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food
Giant.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder
and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to,
yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint,
but thank you for calling.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I
shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now
contain false information.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even
gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am
startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
My stepmother has come back as one of the Undead and we must
track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and
give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that
my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to
arrange for helicopter transportation.
I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I
insist on paying my fair share.
I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!
