Last night I went to SAEC and felt my energy immediately drain away from
me. The people who remind me most of the situation I'm dealing with
right now are there, and while it's none of their own fault, I think it
just took something away from me. I don't know what. After SAEC we ate,
and after we ate I went with Rob and Tatum to Whole Foods. I felt pretty
terrible most of the time and just couldn't get the situation off of my
mind. I bought some overpriced gelato and kombucha and darted off to go
to my room as soon as we got back. On my way back, tornado sirens kept
going off throughout Jackson, and as soon as I arrived back in my room
it began pouring down rain (and what sounded like possibly hail). I
finally got a tornado warning on my phone and my RA went through the
hall knocking on every door for us to go down to the first floor. I just
ignored it and fell asleep before 9:30 could come and slept until about
12:45 today. Fifteen hours. And the only reason I got up when I did is
because I remembered that I had to meet with Ms. Sudderth, my
accompaniment for voice, at 1:45.
After meeting with Ms. Sudderth, and feeling pretty stressed because I
knew all but one of my songs aren't yet ready for jury next month, I
went to the computer lab to type up a journal entry for how I felt as
well as complete the topic proposal I needed to have for Beethoven. Then
I went to the Letterpress Studio at 2:30 for Dr. Pickard's class - only
to realize that I mixed my times up and Dr. Pickard's class was at
12:55 and that I was supposed to be in Beethoven. I wouldn't have even
realized this had I not gotten the notification from my planner on my
phone. I have totally lost it. After attending the class twice a week
for the past three months, one would think I'd have this down by now.
I am stressed by this situation that is going on with my friend as well
as my failure to meet the academic standard that I've set for myself. I
used to have a passion and desire to learn all that I could and push
myself forward to get the best grade that I possibly could. Hell, it's
what got me to be the valedictorian in high school. But my grades have
steadily declined during my time at college, and my mental state has
gone somewhere that I can't see the road ahead. Every so often I do get
a strong sense of the feeling that everything is going to be okay, but
today is just one of those days where nothing so far has allowed that.
I'm sick of the yolk being popped on my fried egg. Literally and
metaphorically.
