I woke up around 6am
on Sunday, and shortly
after I decided to try
my new batch of LSD.
By 8am I took a bit
more than 25ug spliting
a tab in 4
Since it was on an
empty stomach, I
started to feel an
effect 20 minutes in.
I planned to do
some field recording
and some time-lapse
of the could over
the mountains.
I setup the camera
outside and start
looking for my Lom
microphone that I
haven't had a chance
to try yet. The bees
were buzzing in the
cherry tree and I
wanted to record a
nice stereo field
to see how trippy
that would be.
I couldn't find the
second microphone and
the acid was starting
to work through me.
I went in the studio,
which is now my daughter's
floor. Went to the
bathroom to realize
how messy the whole
place was. Then it came
to me. The grieving of
this house that we raise
our daughter, now that
was gone since our
separation. I felt the
heaviness of being now
alone, in this house,
which carried a lot
of history and emotions.
I cried for a while,
I felt so sad, thinking
of that reality that
wasn't there anymore.
The 'family' being
now broken. As painful
it was to be in that
family setup, there
is still some sadness
attached to it. I
clearly don't want
to go back to that
toxic relationship,
but while it lasted
there was some beauty
to it, there was some
power to it.
I realized how hard
it is to maintain a
house by myself. By
the time I clean and
cook and work and relax
there isn't a lot left
to manage the house
and the land. In my
last lsd exploration
I had a similar experience
of caring for the beach.
It's a lot to carry
on my shoulder alone.
I don't think I could
bring a 'drop in'
replacement for my ex.
A woman that would like
to step into my life,
my reality, and continue
to care for the home
and the land.
The trip made me realized
that I am on my way out
of this place. Not in a
hurry, but one step at
a time, preparing for
a new adventure.
It made me sad, but also
clear in my intention.
I cleaned up my daughter's
room, the rest of the studio,
I cleaned up the stairs,
the kitchen, the upper
level. I took the time
to clean up my audio
gear, keeping most of
it but discarding some
parts.
I also check on my finances,
check on my invoicing and
did some accounting to
make sure money was okay.
I started reflecting on
the process of healing.
How healing is so close
to my addiction. As if
the path toward healing
and fulfilling my addiction
were the same, at the
beginning, but then the
ending were different.
I've written a lot about
this since, and it even
inspired my latest radio
shows. I'll have a post
on gopher about this in
the coming days.
Then a friend texted me.
His wife at the hospital,
he was in distress, wasn't
sure what would happen.
I freaked out a bit, told
him I was to high to drive
but would come by as soon
as I could.
I finalized the home clean-up
as quickly as possible, and
around 1pm the effect of
the lsd was weak enough
for me to drive. I wanted
to get something for my
friend, but not booze.
So I opted to get him some
Rescue Remedy, a flower
extract which helps a lot
with anxiety and fear.
I stopped at the store
and realized I was quite
still buzzing and had
some funny interaction
with the few people there.
Since it's a small town,
we know everyone, so in a
few minutes I met 5 peoples
who wanted to chat a bit.
It was a sunny Sunday, why
not chat for a moment?
I finally made it
to my friend. We chatted
for a bit, I offered the
medicine. He though it was
funny that I dropped acid
on Sunday morning!
I left him as his wife was
coming back from the hospital,
I drove around and stopped
at another friend's shop.
I chatted a bit more and
finally drove back home.
I could still feel the LSD,
but decided my day was already
quite full and went for a bath.
Later that day I went for
a sauna with friends. It was
nice and silly, with a lot
of laughter.
At this point, if LSD makes
me cry, makes me clean my house,
make me work on my accounting,
makes me connect with friends,
it's doing me a lot of good.
I will continue this process
until I don't get this effect
anymore. For the moment, I can't
see why not, since the toxicity
is even less than drinking alcohol
or smoking tobacco. I am
puzzled at the healing
capacity of LSD and want
to explore further.
