After a few years off social
network and a hiatus off the
surface web, I'm back!
A few years ago, as I am working
from home, I realized that anytime
spent on social network, couldn't
be able to billed to anyone but
myself.
I then realized that even after work,
spending time on social network felt
like work, not for myself, but
for the owner of these networks.
I wanted to create content that
would be liked, I wanted to
expand my follower group. I had
to follow a certain algorithm,
a certain guideline to fit
on the platform. While drawing,
I wondered if people would like
it, when writing, I carefully
chose my subject and word, for
the platform, not for my self
expression.
What had started as a collective
playground, had become a highly
profitable network, abused by
a handful. To add to the mix,
I felt very vulnerable to the
addiction of voyeurism to other
users, and the constant pull
to consume more media.
I dropped off the social media
bandwagon 7 years ago. I had a
few relapse, trying things out,
trying mastodon, but I was still
damaged by all that experience.
I even gave up all forums and such
and online chat.
It started a wave of minimalism,
cutting down amazon, apple,
meta, adobe. I'd google myself
to see if there was any other
platform I was on. I removed
myself from SoudCloud, vimeo,
tumblr, github and many more
accounts that was linked to me.
I had to go through about 30
online accounts and it took over
a year.
At the same time I wanted to
continue to write. I've been
writing for a local newspaper
for the last 10 years, but
even that wasn't satisfying
anymore. Too many rules made
my writing stale after a while.
I wanted to write online,
but couldn't find the right
platform. I tried wordpress,
ghost, writefreely, moving
from more complex to simpler
platform, yet my hacker's
brain wasn't satisfied.
I didn't want to be online
when I wrote, and I didn't
want to be limited by a
editor of any sort. I wanted
the pure, full experience of
simply writing.
That's when I discovered
gopher, about 3 years ago.
The ease at which I could
write and publish, the very
small yet active community
was a perfect match for my
exploration of my writings.
I found a new voice on gopher,
as it was semi public, I didn't
have to censor myself too much.
None of my family members, and
most of my friends wouldn't
be able to read me.
I could be really raw about
my experiences, to an extreme,
that has made some readers
uncomfortable, and the tool
set I would use (vim and scp)
was so minimal I couldn't
have wished for better.
So I went pretty much off
the surface web altogether
for a time. Gopher, anonradio
chat, broadcasting my radio
show was all that I needed.
I still lurked online for
a while. One of the place
I would keep an eye on was
merveilles.town. I had interviewed
Devin on my show, and through
him I discovered this mastodon
server. But that lurking became
more, and more and more. News
site, 4chan, and bit too much
youtube, until I got fully
addicted to the tube.
During my separation this summer,
spending most of my evening on
youTube had become my drug. I'd
spend hours losing myself to
a bunch of useless videos. Couldn't
stop until pass midnight. I felt
less alone, I felt like someone
was talking to me. The algorithm
was really precise, showing me
channels of other depressed
people, talking to the tube,
sharing their depression and
burn out. It was a therapy while
my mind was being abused to keep
me on the platform for hours.
But in the last few weeks,
I replace that addiction with
other online addiction. It was
a strange feeling, but sometime
I have to fool myself to change
radically. It took on a very strange
turn as you can read in my last
entry but then something changed.
Just as the solstice came, the
darkest day of the year, everything
shifted. I cut through my stuff,
and pivoted in a new direction.
I wanted to come back to the
surface web, and the only place
I would have wanted to be was
on merveilles.town. I've seen
many other mastodon servers, but
on each of them I would often
get triggered. I might be over-
sensitive for these things,
but I feel a lot of people express
themselves violently.
It's often subtle, people are
not swearing or being mean, but
by taking a certain stance,
and expressing that stance in
a certain way, I feel triggered
to answer, even if I agree with
the statement, I want to counter
the comment with something different.
So on the solstice, I contacted
Devin and checked-in if it was
possible to join. As simple as it might
sound, this was quite a shift.
It had a very calming effect on
me. A peaceful resolution between
the surface web and I. It made
me want to polish some of my
online presence and get back
in communication with different
people and groups I've lost
touch with.
This is all an experiment.
I hope it sticks, but it seems
to already have a positive effect
on my creativity and my desire
to share more, in a different
way.
It's important to create and share.
This process diversify the culture we
live in, birthing islands of
realities that welcomes a certain
type of people. Abstaining from
creating and sharing feels like
surrendering to the mass media
taking over our realities.
