I was really hoping that
I was over the crisis, but
today was quite rough.
I contacted her, said
something stupid, then
regretted it. She didn't
reply. I felt shitty.
I deleted her contact
from my phone, and I
don't have an easy way
to find her contact
again. That should
help with the no-contact
idea.
I smoked a lot today.
I feel like shit.
I can't really watch
video or movies anymore.
At this point it's a bit
of a waiting game. There
is no amount of entertainment
that would excite me.
I had my excitement,
now she is not, there
is nothing to replace
that.
Healing takes time.
I hope a night of
sleep will help.
I feel sick,
sick in my mind,
but I know that
I forget easily.
I had a nice chat
with a client today,
expressing the idea
Love me
cause I can't
love me
It resonated with her,
she agreed that most
of us aren't able to
love oneself, and we
give the task to the
other. We want the
other to love ourselves
so that we don't need
to do that.
What is it, to be in a
relationship where both
person love themselves,
and also love the other.
It's such a slippery
slope, where as soon
as one feel the love
from someone else,
there is a letting go
of the need to love
oneself.
It makes it really clear
to me that I am not ready
to be in a relationship.
Bringing back the focus
on my healing, both
physical and emotional,
on my evolution and caring
for my physical space.
Caring for my business,
caring for my daughter.
At least this fake
relationship didn't
break my relation with
my daughter. That would
have been such a repetition
of my own life.
