From emotional
distress, my mind
completely flipped
in an instant.
I would see her in
a few hours, and
then my mind completely
calmed down. Everything
was fine again.
I can't believe how
easy it was for my
mind to flip from
a complete emotional
storm to being fine,
and even happy.
She is fine, our
friendship is fine.
It's clear that it
has changed, on a
certain level, and
it's clear we're not
a thing, but for the
rest, everything is
how it should be.
I'm still emotionally
disturbed, it was quite
the ride, that I took
on myself. I need to
catch myself better
when stuff like that
happens. If I'm emotionally
melting down, it's
probably not worth it.
How can I keep cool
in these moments?
There seems to be a
spin that I create in
my mind. This habituation,
this constant thinking
about someone or
something, and when
that spinning get
stops it creates a
lot of friction.
So it's not so much
to react in the moment
when there is a crisis,
but to stop the obsession
as I see it.
I was aware that I
was obsessing, while
it was happening, but
I was telling myself,
"so what." It was enjoyable,
entertaining, and exciting,
and it was all in my
head so why would I care?
Now I can see how that
obsession can become an
emotional storm when it
comes to a halt abruptly.
So, although I'm not
as intense in my
love detox, I still
want to stop focusing
on her, and shift the
energy to my own personal
cultivation. Stop the
recurring fantasy, and
bring in that sexual
energy for myself.
Yesterday, before I knew
she was coming, to change
my mind I went outside
and chop some wood. It
was good and I felt like
I was taking care of
the land a bit. It made me
realize that I've stopped
preparing myself to the
eventuality that I might
move from this house.
I don't want to move
but I want to minimize
the stuff I own and also
the stuff that needs to
be done on the land,
so that if I need to
relocate it can happen
in an instant. Like having
my passport ready just
in case I need to travel,
but with my home stuff.
Anyway, my mind is a lot
more quiet today. I still
have a bit of emotions stuck
in my stomach, as there has
been a major change in my
reality, but I feel like
I'm outside this major storm.
I still love her, and
I'm fine to not be in
a relationship with her,
it's definitely for the
best anyway!
