I've taken pretty much
all the drugs that you
can take, but the addiction
to lust and love is one of
the worst addiction to
get rid of.
Emotional outburst this
morning, I need a bit
of a plan of action
to get out of this.
It wasn't really
a relationship but
in the last few weeks
our interactions
became a bit more
telling of our
mutual attraction.
There is nothing to
break really as it
wasn't anything, but
I have to break my
own habits. I've created
a mind pattern that
keeps me thinking
about her, fantasizing
about the future.
Thinking how to talk
to her, when I'll
see her again.
- When I think about
her I put her in the light(1)
- I use this constant
pattern to help with
dream yoga.
- Each time an intrusive
though comes in, I
question, is this a
dream?
- I don't contact her
anymore.
- No more fantasy
- Celibacy
I need a focus for a
few weeks, to break
this pattern. I don't
want to use another
fantasy, another
relationship to busy
my mind. I feel this
story was also to help
me move from my ex, but
also move into a more
meaningful life.
This afternoon I felt
better, but I've started
to smoke some tobacco.
For some reason, it
calms my emotional self.
I would like to start
with a round of 2 weeks,
until the new moon.
From there I can see
what is still needed.
I find myself to be
quite simple in these
process, and I forget
about things, about
people quite fast.
1. Putting something in
the light is an expression
I use from a meditation
of the light. Visualizing
a light in front of me, and
seeing that person, that
event in the light, without
intention, but knowing that
the light is the best place
for this thing to be. It
helps a lot when I feel
powerless in a situation,
and it grounds me at the
same time. It somewhat
similar to offering to
God what you cannot
deal with.
