Something was going on.
I lost track of time,
of myself.
The house
was getting dirtier
cold and uncomfortable.
I can also see the break
in my time tracking notes,
almost nothing was written.
I am still not consistent
with keeping a good track
of my time. I know that
when I don't track time I
charge a lot less to my clients.
I loose money, I waste my time,
but that's okay, I'd rather
work for free then overcharge.
Today I was tired,
so I took the time
to take time.
A warm bath, but the
heating system was broken
so I fixed it. A good meal
but the wood stove wasn't
running so I went to fetch
wood. Cooking for my daughter,
but the kitchen was a mess, so
I cleaned it up. Now the house
is clean and warm, the food is ready,
and the fire is gently crackling,
and my daughter is sleeping
in the hammock... A warm bath
for when she wakes up.
I am back to a sense of normality.
I don't know why I leave.
I become annoyed by all the
small things and I don't want
to do anything anymore.
Everything is difficult.
I don't realize how I feel,
I don't feel, and then
the landing hits. I feel dizzy,
as if re-entering my body
after a while. Is that
was is called dissociation?
It's similar to leaving
on a bender for many days.
But I'm physically here.
My ex was really annoyed by
these phases. I didn't realize
really, as I was still working
and feeding myself. But I
could only do the bare minimum.
I feel trash and useless,
without a purpose or a goal.
But I'm back now. I hope that
continues for a while.
