I notice her. She is beautiful.
I look at her. Did she notice.
She sees me. She looks at me.
Is she shy. Am I prying while looking?
I feel a tension.
Am I attracted to her?
Am I making her feel
uncomfortable.
I sometime get caught,
attracted to people
who are attracted to me.
I don't feel I'm an
attractive person.
Overweight, loosing
my hair, loosing my teeth.
Seeing myself
in the street,
I'd probably
not look twice.
In my mind
for the longest time
I didn't think people
would be attracted to me.
Now I accept, or understand
that I might be attractive
to certain people.
When someone is
attracted to me,
I want to hold on
to that attraction.
Please love me
as I don't love myself.
I feel selfish,
abusing someone attraction
for my own self pity.
A twisted game
of justification
desires, and
self loathing
emerge and I loose myself.
I want the love of others.
I don't want others to love me.
If they love me,
I owe them something.
I have to act and behave
in a certain way
for the love to continue.
If they love me,
they don't know me.
If I want to cultivate
that love, I need
to be that which is loved.
