I had just done a mushroom
trip the day before, and
for some reason I had a
puff of DMT during the day,
so when we started the acid
trip, I didn't feel much. I
though that maybe the lsd
wasn't strong because of
the psylocibe might have
counter act the lsd.
Everything was brighter and
clear, and the feeling was
really good but nothing much
as far as visuals. I wasn't
sure if we were to take
more, so I decided to take
a bit more molly which would
have rounded up the acid
trip without adding too
many hours to the overall
journey.
The mdma at the beginning of
the trip is used to skip
the uncomfortable phase of
lsd and puts me in a good
mood and prepare the mind
for a deeper exploration.
It also has a bit of psychedelic
property which boost the
trip, mixing both subtance
in a nice cocktail.
The downside is that it has
a really rough come down.
It takes me a few days to be
'back' from the mdma, which can
be quite emotionally
challenging (as it has been
in the last few days)
We felt the acid might not
have kicked as strongly as we though,
and decided to do a second dose.
Often dropping more acid, after
a trip is done, simply lengthen
the a now luke warm trip without
having a second wind. I was
thinking the tripping part
was done, and we'd probably
not go deeper in the journey.
Was I ever so wrong. This
journey became one of the
deepest journey I ever
went through.
I didn't keep track of
the time, but it feels
like the lsd didn't kick
in completely before we
did the second dose.
Of course a lot of the
evening ended up being
a blur with some elements
coming in focus.
On one of my attempt to go
outside and fetch some wood
for a fire, it became really
clear to me that I might
neve be able to come home,
a series of unplanned event
would be between me and my
home and I was never to
go back to reality.
It's a very know sensation,
that I've had many time on
very strong lsd journey.
Visuals were fully distorted,
eyes open or closed had the
same effect of pattern and
colors and sensation, a very
familiar sensation. This
sensation of awakening. It's
a very strange and clear
sensation.
It's similar to my experience
of samadhi. Almost awake, but
one little thing is in the way,
a very small thing, my own ego.
But as I question it, the
awakening doesn't happen, I
chase that idea, by simply
questioning the moment.
It feels like my whole life
is a perpetual movement
away from my awakening, a
surfing on reality so that
I do not get awaken.
I rush back inside the house
to make sure they are still
inside. I am so touched to see
them there. I feel like I will
live an eternity with them.
There is some deep connections
being made. I can see a whole
life in front of me with them.
The trip is intense, the visuals
are always moving. I can't escape
for too long outside the house
because I would loose myself
again in hallucination. I ask
my friends to come outside
to see the tree dancing in
the shadow. One of them ask
my what I was seeing and I
point them to the trees, which
are lines of light in the darkness
and I tell them 'See how crazy
that is' and they both agree that
it was quite the hallucination.
I couldn't make out what was real
and what was an hallucination
anymore.
We discussed about everything,
but couldn't get our mind to
follow the flow of reality.
We were thinking about setting
up system to count time, to
keep us sane. We wondered how
long we would go, lost in that
sea of crazy thoughts.
We went outside for a while,
the moon wasn't out yet, and
the sky was these shape of
pastel, the layers of reality
would collide in front of
us. The halluciations where
so presents that it was hard
to believe, but at soon as
I wondered about it, about
how high I was, I would
take a second to look
at the lake and understand
how far out we were.
One of us had been completely
out for some time. She couldn't
talk much, and mostly used sign
language. Her trip was going very
deep, and she went through an
ego death which was somewhat
traumatic, but also quite an
important initiation in the
deeper realm of psychedelic.
At one point or another, one
will experience an ego death
on acid. It's a very scary moment,
but it's also quite freeing from
the weight of the day to day
life. Once you've accepted
your death, and ready yourself
to move on to the other
world, there is a new view
on reality. It's also an
initiation into the spirit
world. A lot of experiences
in the deeper practice of
spirituality will be quite
frightening, therefore having
the experience of an ego death
is a good preparation to
take the next step into
that reality.
The journey stretched for
many hours, and at one point
we all wanted it to be done.
We hanged out for a while
trying to sleep. We couldn't
watch a movie as computer
screen were way too intense
to look at, we finally were
able to sleep and recuperated.
The person who had her first
ego death forgot at first about
the event, and then it came back
to her. Somehow her consciousness
blanked it out of her mind, but
it came back to her. A lot of
emotions also came to her during
that time. I was there to tell
my own ego death stories, explaining
how it's a normal step into that
world.
It was such an intense journey,
that we weren't sure if it had
been enjoyable or simply too
much. Now that the experience is
over, I miss this state, I miss
the intensity. I feel like I'm
learning to navigate the psychedelic
world in a more grounded way.
I can hold myself in this
crazy shift of reality, and
the exploration is becoming
really interesting.
