I always tell myself that I'm going to start making entries more often.
That never seems to happen though! I kinda just forget and get caught
up in the routine act of... doing absolutely nothing. Though I will
say, I recently finished the remake of system shock that just came out.
And honestly, I can't believe how much the visual upgrade helped me
make sense of what was going on in Cyberspace!!
When I started the 'Enhanced Edition', I loved the graphics of the
original. All the pixel art + the framed gameplay with the menu always
in view was very charming. However, I had no idea what was going on
when it was time to hack. Though it felt cool to be flying through 90s
cyberspace, the graphics were unintelligible to me.
More importantly, I can't believe that four weeks have already passed
since I graduated. It feels as if I've done nothing at all, as if I
had just blinked after receiving my degree cover and arriving back in
Chicago.
It honestly hasn't sunk in that my 'college-years' are behind me.
I nor any of my close friends have started our full-time positions,
so we're still riding out a bit of the wave that was graduation. Not
to say that we don't have any of our youth left. But the concentration
of like-aged people on a campustown is one hell of an environment. Now
that we are all back in Chicago, living with our folks, that same
energy is no longer there.
Once I start working in about two weeks, I'm sure the fact that I must
now be a working adult will sink in. And that college has now ended.
As we get our jobs and start getting paid, I'm sure we'll be able to
hang out at our respective apartments.
With Covid-19 destroying the the second half of Freshman, and all of
Junior year, college felt like it dragged on for a long time. To the
point where life had a sense of permanence to it. That I'd forever be
hanging out with my friends on campus, doing classwork and visiting
home/my SO. Then bam, it's over.
Final grades are out and I passed all my classes, degree's coming in
the mail. Such an unglamorous ending, but awfully fitting. A seemingly
permanent thing ending so matter-of-factly.
I was honestly hoping to fail atleast one of my classes, despite how
stressful it would be. I didn't want to let go of the carefree
lifestyle that I enjoyed. As much as I dislike idle chatter with
strangers, I even longed for the conversations I had at the
Japanese conversation table (club), which were surprisingly fun.
It's strange, I finally did it. I graduated from college, a first or
second gen American, and the first in my family to do so. But I feel,
nothing in particular about it? Going through Elementary and HS, and
going to college has been the ultimate goal for me in life. But now,
that I did it... what now? I've lost the lodestone of my life and I
have nothing to take its place. And I am aware that the answer is
probably, "work... until you get old and retire". But surely there is
something more than that?
Here's to hoping work will be fulfilling, but I suppose I'll see come
the 26th and on.
Pessimist end but, hope you all are having a wonderful summer so far.
