# About Chris Osburn
## Written for an employer who should have known better than to ask.
No one ever did call me Ishmael. Maybe that's because that's not my name.
My name is Chris Osburn, I'm [a little too] old, not single, but still very handsome. I am an Aquarius with Moon in Sagittarius and Pisces rising.
I have been involved in computers academically and professionally since 1979, and have worked in a large variety of operating environments: CP/M, UNIX, MSDOS, VAX/VMS, DG AOS/VS IBM AIX, oh yeah and Windows. Other famous acronyms and abbreviations include C, C++, Perl, HTML, Pascal, FORTRAN, BASIC (I'm recovered enough to admit it now).
My professional experience has included work with modems, database design, windows software development, operating system administration and web page design. I make a mean latte. I drive electric trolleybuses with flair and panache. They are quiet and smell better than you do. At least on the outside.
I am simultaneously humble and arrogant, charming and belligerent; I am an interesting person with an active fantasy life and am never bored. I solve problems creatively, with great flair, or I beat them into submission with brute force. Very few get past me.
I can create networks both simple and complex, install and maintain operating systems, write and test software, and am detail oriented. Unfortunately for you, I don't care about these things anymore. Don't ask me to fix your computer. Please have exact change when you get on my bus.
I am interested in Astronomy, Astrology, and can reconcile the two. I used to like to watch the nation's communications network expand under the weight of new technology. Now I roll my eyes at all you Borgs with your masters' voices stuck to your ears.
I am quietly helpful, always leaving a place thing or situation better than how I found it. I constantly improve the universe around me to show others how they can do the same. I ask for no reward other than my paycheck and the respect of my colleagues. And the mere hope that you'll take a bath once in a while.
I am organized in a casual way, and rarely forget unattached facts and figures. I am constantly finding patterns in human creation and interaction and putting this information to use in my day-to-day activities.
Some people worry for my sanity; my response is that the price of enlightenment is melancholy.
I am uproariously funny and am apt to take serious requests non-seriously in an effort to demonstrate the absurd. In this, I practice only the highest calling.
I hope you enjoyed my little comedy of existence and that, as a supplement to the more traditional types of information about myself, you find my epistle illuminating.
(Original version 1996, last modified 2004, ported to Geminispace 2025. I dont know why.)
