# Osburn Elapsed Calendar

## For year OE 61 (2025-26):
=> cal61.gmi Osburn Elapsed Calendar for 61
=> http://29randomnumbers.com/what/files/cal61.pdf Year 61 brochure to print out and give your friends!

The Osburn Elapsed Calendar is a thinly-veiled, self-centered attempt to call attention to myself and my personal issues.  It is closely tied to the Gregorian Calendar, but some of the months have variable lengths.  I considered creating a perpetual calendar, but humans just aren't perpetual.  They're always messing up their routines and dragging other humans down with them.  The latter portion of the calendar highlights this phenomenon.

## Epoch

Being an elapsed-format calendar, the first year is year zero.  The epoch is Emergence 1, OE 0, Gregorian date February 7, 1964.

## Calendar Structure

The calendar begins with the month of Emergence, the first day of which is tied to Gregorian February 7.

A month that commences on the 7th day of a Gregorian month is considered "lucky".  Other months aren't.  The months of Emergence, Taxhope, Falsehope, Ardor, Inspiration, Perspiration, Summerfilth, and Evanescence are always lucky.  That's not bad!  Forehell and Holihells are always unlucky.  Kickoff and Afterhell are usually unlucky, but might surprise you!

The week begins with Monday and ends with Sunday because I like to get the work out of the way before play.  Otherwise I just worry about it, and what fun is that?  The day names have been kept because I'm accustomed to them being there.  (I'm accustomed to the months, too, but I don't use them as much.  Do you?)

## Months

### Emergence

The first month is Emergence which commemorates my emergence into this plane of existence and the emergence of each new year.  Emergence has 28 days in common years, 29 in intercalary years.v.).  It starts with Gregorian February 7 and ends on Gregorian March 6.

### Taxhope

The second month is Taxhope, because I hope to get my tax refund during this month.  Taxhope has 31 days, covering Gregorian dates March 7 through April 6.

### Falsehope

The third month is Falsehope.  It begins on Gregorian April 7, which is the anniversary of my parents' failed marriage.  That event inspired the name.  Falsehope ends on May 6 after 30 days.  (You wish.)

### Ardor

The fourth month is Ardor.  Spring is in full gear and I usually feel a little friskier at this time.  Ardor starts on May 7 and runs out 31 days later on June 6.  Alas!

### Inspiration

Inspiration runs 30 days from June 7 to July 6.  Ardor, Inspiration and Perspiration are how humans create and produce.  This is a good time of year for it.

### Perspiration

See the note under Inspiration for why I picked this name.  Also, I just sweat like a pig during the summer months.  Sorry.  Perspiration lasts 31 days and runs from July 7 to August 6.

### Summerfilth

Tolkien scholars will recall the month of Winterfilth in the Shire Calendar.  The hobbits might have had a Summerfilth, of course, except they already had different names for those months.  The Shire Calendar is perpetual, and it happens that there is no month starting with a Friday.  A hobbit might thus refer to "Friday the First of Summerfilth" as a day that will never come, usually in irony.  Or sardony.  Or sarcasm.  Whatever.

I picked the name Summerfilth because it fills out the social summer calendar, ending on the day before the American Labor Day holiday.  It also happens that next year, year 45, *does* have a Friday the First of Summerfilth.  Any local hobbits who have been putting off any onerous chores, please take note!

Summerfilth is the first of the variable months.  It starts on August 7 and continues through the first Monday in Gregorian September.  It will therefore have anywhere from 26 to 32 days

### Kickoff

Kickoff, a variable month,  starts on the Tuesday following the first Monday of Gregorian September.  This is the day after Labor Day and the summer social calendar gives way to the happenings of Autumn.  Besides the reference to American football, Kickoff represents the beginning of the academic year.  Children are thus kicked out of the house and hurried off to their indoctrination sessions.  Kickoff continues until October 6 and has between 29 and 35 days.  If Kickoff has 30 days, that's lucky!

### Evanescence

Evanescence is a fixed month, running 25 days from October 7 to October 31.  Evanescence means "waning" or "disappearing" which is a good name for a short month that falls in a season of shortening daylight.  Unless you live south of the equator.  Luckily, I don't.

### Forehell

Have you ever noticed that some stores just insist on shoving Christmas crap at you on the day after Halloween?  It's wrong, I tell you, just wrong!  But it is a foreshadowing of the days to come, thus the name.  Forehell runs from November 1 to the fourth Wednesday in November (the day before Thanksgiving, if you're paying attention).  Forehell will have between 21 and 27 days.  This is the only month where the dates of the OE calendar match the Gregorian dates.

### Holihells

Holy Hells, indeed.  This month starts on the fourth Thursday of November (aka Thanksgiving) and continues until the Sunday before the first Monday after the first day of January.  (Let's try that again.  It ends on the Sunday before the first full work week in January.  Is that easier?) Holihells encompasses all the popular winter holidays that we are forced to endure with a smile or be castigated as a Grinch or a Scrooge.

Holihells will have either 39 or 46 days.

### Afterhell

Finally, a bit of decompression.  Afterhell is the doldrums between the winter holiday season and my birthday.  I never could get my act together during that time.  Afterhell starts out with the first full working week in January, where humans try and salvage their torn and tattered routines and get some work done.  It continues through Gregorian February 6 and has between 30 and 36 days.  If it has 31 days, that's lucky!

## Intercalation

Leap years are years divisible by 4 unless the last two digits are 36.  In that case, the century must also be divisible by 4.  Thus, 36 and 436 are leap years, 136, 236 and 336 are not.  The extra day is added between Emergence 22 and Emergence 23 and is called Emergence 22bis.  Thus the last day of Emergence is always the 28th.  See below:

```
    Gregorian Date       Osburn Elapsed Date
    --------------       -------------------
    February 28          Emergence 22
    February 29          Emergence 22bis
    March 1              Emergence 23
```

## Prolepsis

Because there is a year zero, driving the calendar backwards to dates before the epoch should present no remarkable problems.  The biggest thing to watch out for are the leap years.  Before the epoch, leap years are those divisible by four except for -64, -164, and -264.  (-364 is a leap year.)  Go far enough back and the Gregorian rules won't apply (i.e. before -382).  What you do before that is up to you.  I'd probably use the Julian calendar rules to give me an anchor to something.  But, hey, you're the one using a calendar outside its defined era, not me...

## Personal Issues

Q:  I was born on Kickoff 35 in year 16.  Next year is year 45 and Kickoff only has 29 days.  What do I do?

A:  There are several options to choose from, and I'll list them below.  Some or all of these may contravene local laws, and you are responsible for doing any legal research necessary.

* You can have your party on Kickoff 29, that being the highest date available.
* You can eat your cake on Evanescence 6, that being 34 days after Kickoff 1.
* You can reap your loot on Evanescence 1, that being the 243rd day of year 45 (and you were born on the 243rd day of year 16).
* You can skip it entirely.  You'll have to find another reason to shake your friends down for presents (and I have the utmost faith in you) but you won't get any older next year (which might be present enough)!

Q:  I was born on Emergence 22bis in the year 8.  I was hoping to use your calendar to overcome the February 29 curse, but you're not helping!  What do I do?

A:  For all intents and purposes, Emergence 22bis *is* the exact same day as Emergence 22.  It's just 48 hours long.  The only reason we have a "second twenty-second" is to keep the computers from crashing.  So get down with yourself on Emergence 22 (and get down twice on leap years if you want; you deserve it!)

Q:  How come that guy deserves two birthdays and I don't?

A:  We all deserve as many birthdays as Santa Claus will put up with, Greedy Guts!

Q:  Speaking of Christmas, I was born in Forehell, Holihells or Afterhell and by birthday is too close to Christmas.  What do I do?

A:  Hell, I don't know.  Convert?  Sue your mother?  Get a birthday transplant?  Or, maybe, get over yourself??  Sheesh!

---

Wednesday, Afterhell 3 14:54:03 PST 44 -- Converted to Gemini on Monday, Taxhope 25 18:56:52 PDT 61

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