i don't feel like writing about anything i've done in the past few days or
anything i plan on doing. that stuff already fills my brain, so when i
write i want to write about something else.
my neighbors are sitting outside. my direct neighbors, who built a huge
monstrosity of a house, can no longer afford to pay for the house they
built. when i heard this at dinner, i laughed at them and their ugly
house. my mom said "i wish they had thought of that before they built it."
and i said "i can't, i'm just going to laugh at them and hate them for
ever and and ever."
a guy i knew in high school is starting a bbq.
a different guy i knew in high school.. i heard he was in a bar fight
recently and he got hit so bad he can no longer form new connections in
his brain to learn.
i think the same thing must have appened to the members of a band i saw
last night. they sucked bad and this guy was projecting the output of a
computer screen on the wall. he was struggling with the media player,
played some skate videos with flame effects and Lost Boys came on, he
skipped around, played the credits, then the first scene came on and i
started screaming JOHN TRAVOLTA!!! JOHN TRAVOLTA!!! FUCK YEAH JOHN
TRAVOLTA FUCK YEAH! FUCK
..
the windows on the house next door are arranged diagonally, different
sizes. they are designed to see out but they only see into our house, and
the light they take is ours. at night there is light from their house, the
front lit up blazing. i walk around sometimes in my room with little
clothes on or none, with little awareness or none of where i am. i have
two windows on their side of my house, i walk across them with little
thought about who i am. i have never spoken to my neighbors.
when i think about who i am and who they are i get angry. i don't do that
as much anymore, because soon they will be replaced by someone else and i
will start over. i don't know if they have ever thought about me. i don't
know if they even see me. when i walk by they don't appear to see me. when
i walk by my window in no clothes it is probably the same.
my new neighbors on the other side fled from new orleans. they drive
expensive cars like the other new neighbors but they at least say hello on
the way from their car to the house. i don't think about them much because
i have no windows on their side of my house. i don't walk past them as i
go to lie down in my bed and read. i don't think of them when i do this.
there was a woman who worked next door taking care of the kids all day.
when my old neighbors lived there. she was one in a series of many
caretakers. i wonder if she had kids of her own or any windows. i think
about her because i saw her more often than the biological parents and she
was outside in situations other than: mowing the lawn, entering car,
leaving car. sometimes i saw the biological mother on the bus from work
and we talked. i never spoke to the woman who worked next door because she
was busy being a mother and we were not expected to speak because she did
not own the property or the children.
