It seems like an infinitely long time since I've updated this, but at
the same time it feels like it's just been the same day over and over
since then. There have been ups and downs, vaccines found, the election,
a birthday, the new year, the coup attempt yesterday, two deaths in my
life in a short period, but still broadly characterized by the same
tedium, the same pitfalls I always find myself in. I've tried to throw
myself into my studies with some success. I've learned a lot about
networking, *nix systems and scripting since I posted here last, but the
motivation to work is fleeting. Diet, a regular schedule, exercise,
these all help but there's no magic bullet for "I'm not as productive as
I feel like I could be," especially when the fruits of your study are so
intangible, or in the case of studying for certifications, unfinishable
until testing centers start to open up again here-- I know that I could
take these exams online, but that would require installing Windows, and
I have heard many horror stories of the poor quality of online exams, so
I'd prefer to play it safe and wait. I've focused heavily on CCNA in the
hopes of finding a networking job, maybe even in a datacenter, which
would be ideal for me.
One thing that has gotten my attention is a podcast I've found, called
"Something Was Wrong". I listen to a lot of podcasts, but this is not my
usual taste. It's a nonfiction show that is (so far, I've just finished
the first season) about a woman who found herself in a relationship with
a very abusive and manipulative man, and how she got out of it. It isn't
some wild, true crime-style show where it turns out the man she was
seeing was a serial killer or some infamous rapist, but just very
mundane things that, taken individually and with the benefit of the
doubt, might seem not noteworthy or at least excusable, but taken in
gestalt, add up to severe mental and emotional abuse. The woman in the
show talks about how she met this man, how wonderful things were, how
inch by inch they started to turn around, and by the end of it her
family were concerned for her physical safety. She also talks in
hindsight about red flags that she ignored at the time, her friends and
family talk about their experience, and they even talk to some of the
same man's other ex-partners who corroborate and add to the main woman's
experience. I think that these kinds of stories are extremely important
for people, particularly women, to hear and understand. Anyone can get
into an abusive relationship at any age, in any culture, with any
level of education. It isn't a failing of the victim. I think that
abusive people, when they manipulate and harm people, are exploiting a
vulnerability that exists in most other people's brains; we generally
assume good intentions from people who are kind to us, we generally
assume that people are telling the truth when it isn't obvious that they
aren't, we accept and come to expect kindness from those who show it to
us, and these things can cause us to overlook or explain away concerning
behavior, even at the point where it's so obvious from an outside
perspective or in hindsight. Again, I don't believe this is a failing of
the victim, because in general those things that lead someone to
overlook or ignore abusive behavior are normal-- most people are not
abusive, and we can generally trust our friends and loved ones will not
manipulate, gaslight, and abuse us. It would be a horrible way to live
otherwise. At the same time, though, I think it is vital to learn to
spot the warning signs of an abusive relationship, and to learn how to
seek help if you are in one. A book that the podcast's host recommends,
which I read through many years ago but also found enlightening, was
"Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by
Lundy Bancroft. I'm probably going to read through it again soon, and I
would recommend it to anyone who can stomach it; being able to spot and
work against these sorts of situations could save your life or that of a
loved one. One last thing I feel I should point out is that, while
abuse by men towards women in heterosexual couples is (possibly)
the most common 'form' abuse takes on, it can and does happen in
any configuration of relationship, from and towards people of all
demographics, and it is something we should all be aware and mindful of.
Anyway, now that the heavy stuff is over, I'm going to attempt to keep
up better with this gopher page, though of course I'm sure everyone who
has been irregular with a project says that and only a fraction of them
actually follow through with it, so only time will tell. Also, a couple
of people have sent me emails in the last however many months; if you
are reading this I haven't responded to your message, that is due to my
personal failing, and nothing to do with you. I do appreciate reading
emails and talking with people from time to time so do feel free to say
hello!
