??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
? BLAZED: Tales of Subliminal Congress ? 22 November 2003 ?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
? The Seventh Release: "The Time I Became a Dead Baby" ?
? Written by deadfred the Electric Meter Reader ?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Have I ever told you about the time I became a dead baby? I
probably haven't since I probaly don't know your name, so I'll
call you Dear Ole Anonymous Text Reader.
Anyways Dear Ole Anonymous Text Reader, becoming a dead baby is
quite simple. Honestly I don't even know how to become a dead
baby. But I turned into a dead baby once, I swear. It was the
most tripped out thing in my life.
See, I had this hacking cough due to a cold that was due to the
fact that I swap germs with like a million people everyday. Yup.
Celina had a cold and I smoked a joint after her anyways, I don't
care, I like to get a cold early in the season before the
temperature gets so cold it's miserable out. After I catch the
first one I usually dont get it again.
Well, the hacking cough, that had to be stopped. And deadfred
don't phuck around with coughs, I hit em hard, yes I do! I
hopped on that 300 pound bullet of mine and sped off to Rite-Aid.
And when I got to Rite-Aid I bought 3-count-em-3 4 ounce bouttles
of Blue Label Robitussin. Maximum Strength even! I drank about
half of a bottle while waiting in line to pay for the minty red
liquid, which incidentally did not go unnoticed to the cashier.
After all those bastards were done paying for their condoms and
dog collars and whatever else the filthy sons-a-biches were
buying, I finally got the chance to pay for my syrup and get outta
there. I can't remember if the cashier was hot or not, but I
would've probaly fucked her. I'll fuck anything that walks on two
legs and has a vagina! Woops, I'm gettin a little off track here.
I swear this all ties in together somehow.
So with syrup in hand and a couple ounces rotting away at my
gastrointestinal tract, probaly dying it red with every passing
momemt as my body slowly decays. Woops, there goes that morbid
streak in me again. Yah so I got on my fuckin motorcycle and went
back to the trailor.
I sat down in my chair and flipped on the telly, changed it to
Lifetime where they were playing "From Homeless to Harvard"
again, I really like that movie, it's so touching and unlifting.
The fact that I was still coughing reminded me of the Robitussin I
had, so I got it out and proceeded to drink roughly another 8
ounces over the next hour.
I got up to go piss and that's when everything got totally fucked
up. That's when I started turning into a dead baby, it's the
scariest fucking thing that'll ever happen to you, if it does, and
I suggest you pray to the deity of your choice that it doesn't
happen to you. Anyways, as I stood up, everything was blurry and
as I would turn my head like say I was looking at something and
turn my head, it would follow it or something, like a burning
cigarette in the dark when yur moving it fast, only a lot krazier.
Then I tried to walk a bit and found that my legs weren't working
quite properly. In fact, nothing was working right, it was all
terribly fucked up. I guess everything's fucked up when you're
turning into a dead baby...
Anyways, I kinda crawled the the bathroom tried to piss. My penis
wasn't working properly either, and it hurt like hell when it
finally pissed. Sometimes I find my own penis terribly
fascinating, I'll play with it for hours on end, sometimes until I
use up every single household product that reduces friction,
sometimes having to rely on toothpaste and my own spit. But the
thing is, I didn't find it so fascinating while I was turning into
a dead baby. Turning into a dead baby is scary as hell, I could
feel myself shrinking down to the ground, I was terribly afraid
that I was gonna fall into the toilet before I got done pissing.
Next thing I know I'm in front of the telly again and looking for
a cigarette, I could've swore I was smoking one a second ago.
I thought it might be a good idea to have some company so maybe
turning into a dead baby wouldn't be so frightening. I decided to
walk over to Adam's, mostly cause I wanted to bum a smoke.
I knocked lightly upon that mighty door of Adam's. It was past
12am and I didnt wanna wake him if he was asleep. As soon as he
saw me he was like "Oh my fucking god dood! What the fuck are you
on?! I've never seen anyone so fucked up in all my life! Get in
here now before someone sees you like that man!"
I explained to him that of course I looked fucked up, that I was
turning into a dead baby and I had no idea why, to which he
proceeded to laugh so hard he must've pissed his pants. He finally
convinced me that I wasnt turning into a dead baby and I felt
moderate relief. I realized that maybe ingesting ~900mg of
dextromethorphan hydrobromide was to blame for making me krazi.
Anyways I just hung out with Adam and we played a few games of
pool watched cartoons.
???????????????? CHIEF-O-METER ????????????????
? ?
? [|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||] ?
? Rating: Mommy mommy make it stop! ?
? ?
???????????????????????????????????????????????
