bunz phlog / 11.01.22 /
[email protected]
For those who have never experienced a manic episode, I feel they've really missed
out. And this isn't the same feeling, similar to the incredulity a drug addict might have for
someone who's never desired the rush of pure bliss that a line of cocaine gives you, or the
complete abandonment of self that a shot of heroin wraps you in. No. . .I have tried, and be-
en addicted to, almost every drug in the book, and I would trade them all to be able to be
manic.
If you're a creative person with bipolar disorder (type II, I is the not-so-nice kind
where you're running down the street naked yelling at Seraphim), then manic gives you that
creative injection that has ideas/thoughts/sounds/imagery just pouring out of your mind in a
seemingly unending stream. If you're of a philosophical bent, then it will feel as if you
are transcribing the inner monologue of God. And if you're naturally disposed to being inter-
ested in many things, then existence itself will take on an exquisite hue that makes anything
and anyone fascinating, mysterious, and bursting with limitless possibility.
And if you're like me, possessing in varying degrees all of the above, then a manic
episode is something to truly covet.
It comes with drawbacks of course. One is insomnia. You can go without sleep for days
which inevitably leads to crashing. Hard. You take on projects and commitments that you must
inevitably let go or break.
And then of course the other side of the coin. What goes up, must come down. Nothing
in life is free. Depression. And just as good as you felt while manic, you now feel the exact
opposite: limitless possibility has now become NO possibilities within the oppressive and
dark, stinted rationality your meager efforts at thought now offer. The world is a cold, ugly
place.
And it would all be worth it (the depression) if manic was a frequent and steadily
occuring state. 1 day of manic is worth suffering 7 days of abysmal depression. And when you
know it is coming, it makes it that much more easy to bear. But that just isn't the case. . .
