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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   =
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                               joy
                               ---

       a slick sly motherfucker looks me up and down, says
       'hey baby, lookin good' and i feel like a ham on a
       hook in Joe Schmoe's butcher shop. his leer yawns
       like a chasm, and disgust twists in the pit of my
       gut. whip me, hurt me, make me bleed. that's all i
       am good for. i look down at my scuffed black boots,
       the hole in the knee of my leggings, the worn flannel,
       (hey baby, looking homeless) and wonder how far i have
       to go to look unlovable and totally leavable.

       i type inanely (make install) and crawl around on the
       floor (which patch panel does this fucking thing
       plug into?) and growl at the insane howl of my pager
       (BOGUS! Build failed!). do this, do that, can i
       lick your boots mister, and would you like that in
       perl or /bin/sh? i picture pools of blood forming
       in the cracks between the keys of my keyboard.

       i think i am having a nervous breakdown.

       (where is your entourage?) she asked me while she
       poured my grande' non-fat latte. yeah, my fucking
       entourage, only she doesn't know that i have
       two of them. i glance over my shoulder and there
       is no one there, but i can feel them piled up
       on my back like a demon orgy out of a Stephen
       King novel. (they are on vacation) and i smile
       and sip my latte, but a tear gathers in the
       corner of my eye.

       dark grey days are my style. a day like today
       makes me feel like my soul is in tune with the
       weather, and i want to thank god for noticing
       me. (please sir, can i have some more?)

       i am having a nervous breakdown.

       having a nervous breakdown #!/bin/sh patch panel
       annexes coffee bills too much too soon too young
       glowing angel want to go to him please sir can
       i have some more and while you are at it can you
       make more feel more worthless cause i think i
       slipped and had self esteem for a second there
       and i want to sleep for days in a cool room
       break shit while people who do not love me
       point and laugh the world is spinning and dear
       god how i love this shit

       yeah. a nervous breakdown.

       demonika

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