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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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InnerReflectiveThoughts at 4:30 am on October 6, 1996
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[Pick Me Pick Me, Yeah!]
I wish I had never been born. I've fucked up since my childhood, always
making the wrong decisions, always siding with the wrong element at the
time. I'm never the best at anything I do. I'm a Jack of All Trades, a
Master of None.
I dropped out of high school at age 16. Would have sooner, but had to be 16.
Got my drivers permit two days after being 16, one day after dropping out.
Took me two years to get my license. I still don't own a car. I dropped
out of college when I started using drugs too much.
[He never sleeps cause he's got bad luck]
I've thrashed my brain almost to the point of stupidity on drugs. I've done
a few here, a few others there. I am the eternal statistic.
I work at a shitty job. I have no future there, but lack the courage and the
schooling to go anywhere else. I get no respect from the public whom I serve
fat-ladden food to everyday. I just got fired from a hotel for calling in
sick. I hate capitalism.
[I just want you to know that I don't hate you anymore]
Its not my fault, or something. Its all because I was super-intelligent as
a child and was constantly misunderstood. I had few friends because they
were all intellectually inferior, or something. No one older than me accepted
me because it was de clase. Adults didn't listen to me because I was too
young to know anything. No one listened to me because they couldn't follow,
or something. Hey, its not my fault, don't you know? I can blame all this
on someone else I'm sure.
[you're not much]
I hate everyone. I'm not racist, but everyone not like me can go to hell.
I'm not sexist but women suck, or they don't, which makes them worse. I'm
not alternative, but every 'normal' person should get a clue. Yeah, you and
everyone else can just fuck off. Get off my case, get off my back, go away,
you know the routine.
[gun gun shoot my gun]
I wish death had claimed me when it had the chance. I complained for hours
about a tummy ache. If my mother had ignored me for a few more hours, just
another day, maybe my appendix would have ruptured and I would have been
spared adolescence. That would have been nice. What was the point in keeping
me around anyhow?
[Now I'm all alone]
Chemical depression. Yeah, its cliche, its my life. Fuck you, you haven't
been down here with me. You haven't felt the anger and the angst turn inward,
had it gnaw at your innards like a ravenous beast. Felt the urges and
compulsion when it tears free. You can't know what its like hating everything
but saving the vehemence for yourself. You don't see the world in its dark
shades of grey. You don't see the eternal decay of humanity and the sinister
pain that rules life as we know it. You can't see it. You ... Chemical
depression. Its all in my head, you can make it go away. Prescribe my
salvation. Come one, give me the happy pill.
[Self appointed judges judge]
Chemical dependency. Prozac, cocaine, I don't see the difference. They both
make me high. Life sucks, but hey I'm feeling great right now. Take on the
world, when it beats you down, just try again! Try, try again. Try, try,
and fail with glee!
[Forever in debt to your priceless advice]
Take charge! Take command! Stop wallowing in self pity. Yeah, if I pitied
myself I wouldn't step out the door each day. I don't whine or complain, I'm
just becoming aware of my feelings and getting in touch with my inner self.
By the way, he says to fuck off as well.
[Cut myself on angel's hair and baby's breath]
Oh so ultra-sensitive. Each little word is like a razor as it slices deeply
along each vein. Each look becomes the festering infection that rots my
flesh away. Yeah, you didn't hurt my feelings, just my pride. I didn't have
much to begin with, now I have to nurse the weaklings wounds. Yeah, it
hurts, but its not like you cared to begin with.
[I'm not the only one - Hate me - Do it again and again]
Shove through me to get to your ever important meeting you corporate shit.
Cut in line in front of me, at my bank, cause you are black and I oppressed
you for four-hundred years you fucking asshole. Holler at me cause your food
wasn't perfect, cocksucker. Keep a close eye one me, fuckhead, I may steal
something because I'm young and dress grungy. Laugh at me because I don't
follow your ever important fashion trends you gutless yuppie spawn. Hound me
for my change, because you are 'older than my mamma' and I am 'your brother',
after all, its only 50 cents right, you worthless trash, and I owe it to you,
right?
[Steal the laughter that's inside of me]
I wish I was never born. The world confuses me. Everything seems to
contradict itself. School made no sense, and the only concept I couldn't
grasp was how to spell. Piece of shit losers slowed the whole learning
process for me, and I got sick of waiting for the dumbass in class to catch
up. I learned more ditching class to go to the library for five hours than
any of my classmates. I dropped out of high school with more knowledge than
most graduates. I learned more on the streets than church taught me. I
found the love of god pouring out of the masses. I found salvation in the
little tabs of acid with the crosses on them. I, ah, fuck you, you prolly
couldn't understand anyway.
- anarchy X -
[BTW, if i offended you by telling you to 'fuck off', or by calling someone
like you, or someone you know, a 'cocksucker' or 'asshole', I'd like you to
know I'm not really all that sorry. Thanx to nirvana for the intermissions
between thoughts, but fuck you kurt, cause you're dead.]
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