date: Wed 28 May 2025 05:26:52 PM PDT
subj: new parent -- twins OOG OOE destroy the parents
Out of gas
Out of energy
It seems only moments ago I discovered the coffee filter was
ripped and I had to improvise a solution to keep the grounds
from entering the pot during this mornings brew, but that was
over nine hours ago. When I discovered the filter breaking my
wife did a wonderful thing; she ordered a new one! What an
angle. She said "we have to simplify." Instead of me coming up
with some absurd way of fixing the existing filter, my brilliant
wife just saved us from me.
Oh my, ... I'm so out of energy. Being back at work is really
difficult with the twins. After a month of sleeping in shifts,
my wife and I are very exhausted. I know at this point there is
no day off coming, no break on the horizon, and there hasn't
been relief since a few days before the delivery.
Sitting up in a chair is starting to hurt. Its a strange sort of
pain, difficult to describe. Writing this is taking more energy
than it used to give me. So I'm standing here with my son in the
bjorn so I can stay awake, as I try to do something I enjoy.
Our babies are doing well, but will they destroy us? I know its
a terrible thing to consider, but THIS day it seems like a
possibility. What else should I be living for? Better I'm
destroyed in the service of my wife and children, than my
selfishness.
My wife and I don't hang out right now, and although we are
living in the same home, and working on the same thing albeit
different times, I'm really missing her presences in our shared
world. We do our best to give each other a moment of peace, or
at least sleep. I wish I could do more. Today my wife said "I
hate washing these bottles. If I ever became rich I would pay
someone to wash bottles." I get it for sure. I just wish she
knew how to get rich. Not for the sake of being rich, rather for
the sake of having more help, and less worry about our financial
future. We are not alone with that anguish.
