date: Mon 02 Jun 2025 10:02:47 PM PDT
subj: mental health ... not me too! family
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NOTE: this will likely get updated .
somehow writing about it makes it a little better.
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Long time ago my sister came home from work or something at
night. My mom was really upset with her because she wasn't
wearing pants. My mom was mad my sister was just in a shirt. My
mom didn't raise her daughter to get out of the car without
pants on. My sister tried to tell my mother she had a skirt
on. My mother didn't care what my sister said, my mother saw her
without pants or a skirt on. Fifteen years later my mother was
convinced her husband had a diamond ring and proposed to a woman
while sitting between the mistress and her at a bar during a
work party. Later the diamond ring along with a lot of cash was
hidden in my car when my dad took my car to be stored in our
relatives barn. For nineteen years the car sat in that barn with
a diamond ring in it, and a bunch of cash hidden in the fuel
tank or motor. I retrieved that car, but found no diamond ring,
no cash, just and old car and spare parts. There were many other
wild tales of similar happenings. Like dad hired a private
investigator to watch my mom at their home for two weeks. The
investigator went through their trash gathering intel. I thought
my dad paid thousands of dollars to watch his wife at a place he
knew she was all day, and instead of going through his own
trash, paid the investigator to do it?! Not my dad, and not
99.9% of reasonable people would hire someone to do that. He
could go through is own trash anytime he wanted why pay an
investigator to do this? I couldn't convince my mother such an
idea didn't seem logical. There were many many other instances
like this. My 56 year old dad also had an affair with his son's
sister-in-law, and her baby is really his. Another was our
grandmother was using a her cell phone (my 80 year old grandma,
couldn't text anyone) to impersonate our mom, in order to steal
her husband after grandpa died, and grandma was watching her
daughter, by driving by her house. My mom never said she saw her
mother drive by her house, but on occasion grandma would knock
on the door and when nobody would answer the door grandma would
call out to her daughter because my mothers (grandma's daughter)
car was parked in the driveway. (I can't recall how many times
in our lives grandma and grandpa came over, and when they did
they knocked on the door. Sometimes they even just came in the
house and said hello! its grandma and grandpa!). The numerous
and assiduous events happening to my mother progressed with
frequency through the years but really intensified over a ten
year period the subjects of those stories moved from co-workers
and neighbors to my mothers family members. I had a difficult
time reconciling how all these things could happen to one person
throughout all the years and with such frequency. Odd my mother
didn't reconcile that if the mistress was so into her husband
why wasn't that diamond ring on the mistresses finger instead of
hidden in an old car. My mother never said details of the
conversation of the proposal. My mother attempted to divorce her
husband. She locked him out of the house. He came home one day
and she changed the locks. He was so upset. She said he was
yelling. I thought what a reasonable response. My mother had
grandma serve him divorce papers. He drove to his parents house
in disbelieve. The next day he died of a heart attack. That was
year 2009. He was 56 years old. Holly fuck!
My mother even thought her mother (g ma) was trying to steal her
boyfriend. It was so interesting how she tried to steal him, and
impersonate my mom to do so just like she was trying to do the
same thing with her husband. I never heard about this at the
time my dad was alive though. It appeared later after she was
trying to steal her boyfriend. The funny thing about this, my
grandma was supposedly trying to setup a date with her
boyfriend but as my mother (the impersonation part). I asked my
mother but how would this work. Grandma would appear in person,
and he would then know she isn't you!? My mother had no
explanation for this logic. Its like she couldn't understand it.
She would say something like, that is what grandma tried to do.
I say Yeah but it doesn't actually work. She is twenty years
older than you. He's met her before! Nothing I could say would
convince my mother her thoughts, believes, or experiences she
described didn't make sense. At one point my mother stopped
talking to our grandmother. I asked my grandmother if she ever
did anything my mother described to me, and my grandmother of
course said no. About five years later I tried to again convince
my mother what she was describing wasn't really happening, and
there must be another explanation for her believes. I thought my
mother was getting dementia. I finally told my mother I ask
grandma if she ever contacted your boyfriend. My mother asked
what grandma said. I told her she had never done anything like
that. My mom said "of course she would say that." I told my
mother, "mom it never happened, it doesn't make sense." My mom
was upset. Later I got a letter that equated to my mother saying
I was accusing her of creating a fantasy world, and she didn't
want to talk to me again. That was year 2019, and the end of our
relationship. It was also the end of my relations with my
brothers.
Over the course of twenty years my mother had issues with her
brother, her sister, her husband, neighbors, co-workers, random
people, her mother (grandma), her daughter, and year 2019
myself. She managed to dissolve each one of those relationships.
After my grandmother died, I heard interesting stories from my
uncle how I came into my mothers home and stole papers, the
reason my mother couldn't find certain papers she lost. I live
over 1000 miles from my mother.
To this day I've not seen or spoke to my mother since the last
letter. I became a subject of her delusions, therefor dangerous
and untrustworthy. My mother lost relations with: brother,
sister, husband, mother, boyfriends, daughter, son, friends. For
years I was really in pain about my mother doing this. I just
couldn't understand it. I thought what an evil thing to do to a
child no mater the age. To tell the child I never want to see
you again. At first I thought it was just anger and it would
fade, but then Christmas time came and I sent her a Christmas
card, and it came back unopened with her hand writing on it,
'return to sender.' The years followed nightmares, crying, ..
etc, thoughts I'll never even know if my mother is dead or
alive, or doing well. It took awhile and I just had to accept
it. Such a hard thing to accept, family estrangement. As I look
back in time I see how things built up to get me out of her
life, until recently I only saw things from the pain I felt, but
I recently looked at it from another perspective. My mother had
been suffering from Delusional Disorder. What a terrible and
scary thing this must be for someone. Delusional are not
detectable to the person having them. They are real. Sometimes
they are hallucinations in visual or auditory form, other times
its just thoughts.
Just imagine yourself in a scenario where you hear your lover
talking to another person in the next room. You hear them saying
things you wouldn't be privy to. Then later they come home and
from your perspective they are acting like they just arrived.
You query them who they were talking to. They respond with I
just got home. Then the accusations start, and the feedback loop
begins anabatic to an argument and distrust. You heard them in
the other room! What the fuck. You can't tell me you were not
here talking to someone about XYZ, I heard you!
What I describe above is how it is for them, and sometimes what
they hear is people they know plotting their murder.
I have no real way of knowing my mother actually has Delusion
Disorder. I see all the times people were following her,
watching her, harassing her, cheating on her, likely to have
been delusions, and when ever I asked for facts or some proof
there was nothing concrete. As a child we are conditioned to
believe our parents so for years I took her words on faith, but
when the stories about my grandmother, someone I knew about as
long as my own mother, someone who I've spent so much time with
over the years, the doubt formed in my mind and I couldn't let
it pass. I felt torn between the loyalty I owed the person who
created me vs the person who created all of us. I had to dig,
defend, bridge, envoy, fix what was fracturing and dividing more
and more. I never got the chance to fix anything. Before my
mother cut our relations off, she had already cut my sister off,
although she never formally told her. Grandma wrote in her diary
she didn't understand why her daughter wouldn't talk to her
anymore, she loved her, but didn't understand. I didn't hear of
that entry until after grandma passed away.
Recently my epiphany appeared when my sister started sounding a
lot like my mother. My sister experienced hallucinations about
people who she trusted. People she spent a lot of time with over
the past year, suddenly are untrustworthy. They called me to
tell my sister seems to be having an issue. My sister doesn't
know the extent of our phone call, but the fact I got a call
from someone I didn't know with concern for my sister is a sign
these people aren't trying to do anything bad to her. While a
day later I get a call from my sister freaked out about her
friends are trying to kill her. I remembered 7 months before my
sister telling me she called the police on her neighbor. She
accused him of taking nude pictures of her through the window.
She said he was showing another neighbor the pictures outside
her door. I asked her did you see the two neighbors? She said
she heard them talking about her. The police came out asked the
neighbor, and even asked to see his phone. He complied and there
were no pictures. A prior year my sister took pictures of the
space above the ceiling due to water damage repair showing how
he had installed wires to spy on her. It took me an hour to
explain what she actually saw was the wiring to the AC above her
unit. Just so many stories that were starting to sound a lot
like those my mother would say. I had to look up hallucinations
and what causes them, schizophrenia, and delusional disorder
appeared, I read about each one. There is no possible way to
tell a person with a delusion its not real. They get very
upset, very agitated, I don't know how a delusion of these type
enters a persons mind, but there is no logic associated with it,
and therefore there is no logic that can be explained to get the
person to rationally believe what they experienced or what is in
there mind isn't real. The ego is so powerful in their mind, it
will not allow a foreign person or outsider to insert reason. If
you try, it won't be long before the person you are trying to
help adds you to one of their existing or new delusion, and then
your friend or relative with delusions will see you as a danger.
They will stop being open and honest with you, they will guard
against you. Possibly end relations with you.
I tried to tell my sister our mother was having delusions. She
wasn't narcissistic, she wasn't being mean and crewel to us
although it felt that way, she was protecting herself from
hallucinations and delusions. My sister immediate took my words
as "you think I'm delusional?! You think I'm crazy!" The hurt
they feel, someone they trust (but less) also thinks the same as
her friends that are trying to gaslight her. They must have
gotten to my brother too!
So sad. My only hope is there is some tiny fraction of belief
within my sister: my brother loves me, and I SHOULD trust him.
Why would he be like my friends, maybe I should get help.
All I can do is keep checking on her, and hope she is OK. She
will stop telling me the truth.
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How long before I succumb to the same disorder? If I write
about enough things, maybe someone I know will see them and
detect my own nuttyness and get someone to help me, or send me
on my way and let me isolate and the world becomes a danger
