I think recently my phlogs have deviated quite a bit from the original plan,
which is to put songs on my playlist in here, purely for nothing.
I don't talk too much in real life, in person. I always think that people can
have hobbies and can share their excitement to others, but it is hard, if not
impossible, to get the listening side up to the same excitement level as you
have. People can be excited to see how excited you are, so they are happily
listening; People who share the same hobby can be as excited as you are, but
mostly because when they are listening to you they are thinking of how it will
happen to them, so they are imagining how happy it will be when they are doing
it themselves, and not for you. Some people just have no resonance to what you
are saying, like when I explain why I stay up late every night and my personal
projects to my wife, she will listen, nod and smile.
But I didn't expect that writing my thoughts on a piece of paper, a virtual
paper in this case, would be so helpful in re-organising what is in my head. I
used to write a lot on notebooks, not personal thoughts but work/personal
project ideas and designs. Really helped but I forgot when I stopped doing
that, probably when I went to a new job and I was too lazy to get a notebook.
Yesterday, we went to a shopping mall which has loads of games and facilities
for kids. We didn't plan beforehand - the plan was to let our 4 y.o. little
one decide what is fun to play.
We went to an RC boats booth first, 20 minutes of playtime. Our son is more of
an observing type, in modern words I think it is more like introvert type? I
think I am too, so sometimes I know (or at least I think I know) what the kid
is thinking about, like hesitating to join a game. He put the boat into the
inflated pool and watched how the propeller spinned, or making turns. Usually
he doesn't care about races. The kids and parents around, majority of them,
were talking about how fast the boats went, and how good a kid/parent's skill
was to make the boat swished through the obstacles.
Comparing to those, our little one simply watched the boat moved and stopped,
and enjoyed himself. I always am thinking if we should train the kid to be
more competitive - teachers at school have great comments about him but also
say that he is very slow in doing everything. I know full well the society is
as well valuing more towards people who are willing to show off themselves,
just look at who gets more attention in Christmas dances.
However, when I was a kid, I would really don't want to be unnecessarily
competitive. When I was small, my parents/grandparents would want me to be
better than others, but I absolutely hated that. That's why I didn't push our
kid to "be better than others", not until he needs to. But I don't know if it
will be right or wrong.
We then took the lift to another level that has electric cars for kids. I was
talking to our kid and didn't notice it at all, but my wife then told me that
the mummy next to us seemed to be quite angry about our kid's shoe. I was
carrying the kid at the front, and he didn't swing his legs, but that mummy
just "really hate this dirty shoe". I guess she was worrying that the "dirty
shoe" would touch her dress or her younger kids' head or something.
The thing that was a bit infuriating to me was that the mummy was all the way
being passive aggressive. She didn't let me know that she was very concerned
about the shoe being at that position, by any chance intruding her and her
kids' space. Even if my wife didn't tell me about the incident, I still don't
have a good impression because when we were getting into the lift, I heard her
shouting at the youngest son for not being smart to move away, now I know, to
avoid getting dirty from a shoe...
When I think about it, what made me feel infuriated was that our kid would
feel sad if he heard a stranger complaining about him for something that he
didn't know he did. I was glad that just like usual I talked to him all the
time so he didn't notice. We did told him what happened in a milder way, when
he overheard daddy and mummy chatting about the matter. He immediately went
silent. I know he was holding his tears. I told him that's not his fault and
that mummy was not doing the right thing. He did nothing wrong and he was a
good boy because he didn't swing his legs in such a crowded space. I asked if
he felt unhappy and he said yes. I gave him a hug and told him that no one is
always right, including daddy and mummy, but we will help him understand when
something is wrong, what happened. I am as well amazed at how quick he could
recover from those unhappy moments. Just within seconds he got himself
together and asked us to tell him again what that mummy was doing wrong.
Another thing was that, I don't think that's a good example for her own kids.
Some people said that children are mirrors that reflects your own behaviours,
and I absolutely feel it. "Good", "normal" acts won't make you aware, but do
"bad", "unusual" thing once and you will see the kid copying you leaving you
busy to "undo" it. I was thinking, wow so basically you are telling your kids
that it is okay to be passive aggressive about everything. I know sometimes we
have to do that, probably when dialogue is no longer an option. In this case,
a small reminder like "please be careful with the shoe" is perfectly fine for
me, but she just let it waste on the other way without me noticing what she
said...
But we gotta move on...so we reached the floor that has the electric cars. My
wife asked if we should buy 2 or 4 tickets, I said 4. What I learnt from past
experience is that I should always prepare a bit more of anything for our kid.
If he doesn't like it then let it be, but "there is no more" is completely
avoidable when he likes it very much.
Each session was 8 minutes long. not a very long time but considering that the
tracks were circles with only one or two bumps to create more motion, I really
don't know if kids will feel bored in a minute. My past experience (as a kid)
was that children are not annoyed by repetitive works. They watch, they learn,
they imagine, and they try again and again and again, never bored. Turned out
that's the case. Our kid loved it, played 4 times on 4 different vehicles. I
even was surprised that he actually drove quite well. He stopped when he felt
that the kid before him was going to bump into something or making a funny
turn, and the turns were smoothly executed without need of adjustment to the
steering wheel, most of the time.
When we were watching our kid played, I heard 2 pairs of parents teaching
their kids how to play. One pair, the mummy didn't want the infant to pick a
school bus because that didn't look cool (That's actually a Vw camper van, I
think it's a cool choice); The other pair, the daddy was angrily telling his
son to do better whenever he bumped into another car or made a not-up-to-the-
standard turn. I feel worse for the second kid. I saw the poor kid lost all
the fun on his face, and the whole playing session just turned into an
8-minute torture.
I remember that when our son was around 2.5 y.o., I got angry a few times when
he didn't listen to me or his mum. I felt bad afterwards. I was thinking how
contradictory it was, like when a child is unhappy, we as grown-ups will try
everything to make him/her happy; But sometimes when a child is happily
playing, just because it may be causing troubles to grown-ups, we will want
them to stop having fun and be miserable. Since then I stopped getting angry
before thinking about whether I was worrying about me having to clean up any
mess or it is really not good for the little one. I think for that daddy, it
was not even giving him any trouble other than the thought that "his son was
not doing good enough according to his standard", and he ruined the kid's day.
Really?
The first pair of parents didn't get as frustrated as the strict daddy. In the
end the boy got his camper van. But still, it is so hard to not push your own
preferences to your kid, and you won't know if it is creating a good impact or
not for them. I have watched a film on Netflix called "Gifted", and it had the
best illustration on this: when the little girl ask her uncle if Jesus is a
god, her uncle said "I don't know. I have an opinion. But that's my opinion
and I could be wrong. So why would I screw up yours? Use your head. But don't
be afraid to believe in things either".
It is so hard to be parents. Looking at my kid playing happily, telling us that
he loves weekends because he will have time with daddy and mummy, I hope I am
giving him a good environment to grow up. But I really don't know. I think it
is too a lifelong lesson.
