I have recently deleted my Lemmy account and left a chat group that I joined
for curiosity.
My inner consciousness must know me very well so it picked this Gopherhole's
title for me without me really thinking it deep. I now think that it is quite
a perfect illustration of my online behaviour - I am ready to leave at any
time. I guess it too will happen to this Gopherhole one day. There is no
backup for the phlogs here and I don't plan to do it, so if they are gone they
are gone.
I think the true face of it is the regret of getting into online quarrels.
The effect is really immediate. I have no problem being disagreed with. I get
disagreements everywhere, and I am wrong all the time. I can live with them as
long as they are constructive and I can see sound reasons that lead to a
different opinion. But when things become more like emotional argument, with
no real inputs to support the viewpoints, I immediately feel the discomfort.
Another thing that I still don't quite understand is, some comments were made
by people who had no experience of the matter (as in actually trying it) and
were confidently wrong factually. I am fine with people having their own
personal opinions because different people experience different scenarios in
their life, so who am I to judge. Like if someone loves wearing underwear on
the outside of their trousers, who am I to judge. Bonus points if they can
explain about the good things of this style, I will love to know. It is just
like food - you can choose not to try others' favourite food but you don't
judge others' preferences, unless there is a very strong reason to do so, like
health. However, being factually wrong is something that I noticed I couldn't
bear.
This happened in the chat group. Not going to put the case in a phlog but when
I think about it later, I reckon the "fact" was actually a personal opinion,or
I should say it was a conclusion that started from a fact but heavily shaped
by the person's own opinions, and presented as a fact. (i.e., the sentence was
"XXXXXX is less private")
Now I think about it, the person simply digested the fact for others, helping
them to understand that the matter being discussed requires a certain degree
of expertise to execute correctly. I still feel bad because I was quite
unsettled about the "fact" being not "right", and decided to raise a different
viewpoint. It got me distracted when the person started to share articles that
reinforced their opinions, but never answered to the fact. With my bad social
and communication skills, I failed to acknowledge their opinions and tell them
that I just wanted the fact to be correctly presented, separated from personal
ideas so that other members could consider themselves.
The conversation went further and further from what I was supposed to talk
about, so I thought "it's time to stop". I was so immature that I said, "No,
I am telling you that XXXXXX is not less private and you don't mask it with
personal comments when giving technical advice". In the end the person left
the group.
Really feel bad about it. I think the person was quite resourceful. I didn't
go into every single article that they shared, but I could tell the members
loved having those reading materials to learn more about the topic. I rarely
spoke in the group but the very few interactions have already led to someone
quitting the group unhappily.
I think it is just an escape from the problem. But like that Hungarian proverb
used by a Japanese manga, "Running away is shameful, but useful"...What did I
learn? I am still thinking...maybe next time I should start with asking for
clarifications and shouldn't be in a hurry to talk about my own ideas that
soon...
Well, I am back to having only IRC and now a Gopherhole. Can't say I am not
happy though. I do enjoy the, to some degree, anonymity from Gopherspaces and
free from likes, votes and karma. I think in the end I just like being me and
put my thoughts here without needing to know who read the burblings and what
feelings they have.
Afternote: Honest feeling above, but won't be unhappy if I receive feedback
about anything shared in any phlog. Appreciate your time and please don't mind
if you receive an awkward reply. Not an expert in replying.
