Suggestions alvays velcomey. Sendy derm to:
Robert A. Hayden <
[email protected]>
------------------- Der Codey of der Geeks f3.1 ---------------------------
---------------------- August 14, 1995 ------------------------------
So yoo dink yoo arey a geek, eh? Der furst stepy is to admit to yoorself
yoor geekiness. No matter vhat anyoney says, geeks arey peopley too;
geeks hafey rights. So takey a deepy bread und annooncey to der vurldy
dat yoo are a geek. Yoor cooragey vill gifey yoo strengd dat vill last
yoo furefer.
How to tell der vurldy yoo arey a geek, yoo ask? Usey der unifersal Geek
code! Using dis special codey vill allow yoo to let oderr un-closeted
geeks know vho yoo arey in a simple, codifiedy statement.
Der singley best vay to annooncey yoor geekhoody is to addy yoor geek
codey to yoor signaturey filey ur plan und annooncey it far und videy.
But bey careful, yoo may gifey oderr geeks der cooragey to comey oot of
der closet. Yoo might vant to hang on to yoor copy of der codey in urder
to helpy derm along.
--------------------
A NOTE OR TVO FROM THE AUTHOR:
Vell, herey it is, finally, fersion 3.xy of der Vurld-Famoos Geek Codey.
Ya, it's taken mey much longer to vritey der new fersion dan it shoold
hafey. Ya, der oldy fersion vas hopelessly oot of datey. I apologizey.
A combination of too much schooling follovedy by collegey graduation
delayed it. In addition, derrey verey almost 2,000 suggestions und
comments on fersion 2.1 to vadey droogh fur consideration in dis fersion.
Hovefer, I'm a grady student now (Education Technology, Mankato Statey
Unifersity), so I hafey a lot of timey on my hunds (yeah, right!).
It is my hopey dat dis new fersion vill bey much superiur to fersion 2.xy.
Oney of der main problems vid 2.xy vas not dat it vas too long (vell, it
is too long, but dat's urrelefant), but much of its lengd vas attributed
to non-geek categuries (such as 'barney'). Oney of der goals of 3.xy is
to eliminatey many of der non-geeky und unimpurtant categuries in urder to
makey room fur geeky traits. "Murey geek, less bullshit" is a goody
motto. In addition, many of der categuries (such as politics) verey fery
pourly defelopedy. Dersey categuries hafey been refampedy und expundedy
to makey derm murey fully cofer all der requisitey areas. Bork bork bork.
Finally, despitey my opinions to der contrary, I'fey left somey of der
"appearance" sections in. I'dy likey to dink of looks as being not a fery
geeky trait, but it seems dat many of der users of der codey usey it as a
litmus test fur dating ur someding. Dus, a geek codey has becomey a
replacement fur der classic "vhat do yoo look like" dat oncey permeated
der net. I'fey eliminatedy most of der categuries, but left der most
impurtant ones in. Hey, anyding fur my fellow geeks. Yee bore de yee
bore!..
In oderr nevs, der Geek Codey is starting to go mainstream. It appeared
vid commentary in der March '95 issoo of Boardvatch magaziney as vell as
der August 1995 issoo of Fast Furvard, a supplement to Der Vashington
Post. I'fey also receifedy permission reqoosts from peopley dat vant to
translatey der codey into oderr languages; so far Japanese, Russian,
Spanish, French und ADA (evvv!). It's my hopey dat perhaps dis next year
can bring a littley murey popular media exposurey und a troo vurldy
presencey. If yoo vant to vritey someding aboot der Geek Code, ur do a
translation, ur anyding else, pleasey ready der copyright noticey at der
endy. It's faurly open, but yoo don't vant to get in trooble, do yoo? If
yoo do vritey an articley ur someding aboot der Geek Code, I vooldy likey
to hafey a copy if it fur my ovn recurds. Bork bork bork.
*****************************************************************************
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
INSTRUCTIONS
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
*****************************************************************************
Der geek codey consists of seferal categuries. Each categury is labeled
vid a letter und somey qualifiers. Go droogh each categury und determine
vich set of qualifiers best describes yoo in dat categury. By stringing
all of dersey 'codes' togederr, yoo arey abley to construct yoor oferall
geek codey. It is dis singley liney of codey dat vill infurm oderr geeks
der vurldy ofer of vhat a great geek yoo actually arey.
Somey of der qualifiers vill fery probably not match vid yoo exactly. It
is impossibley to cofer all possibilities in each categury. Simply choose
dat qualifier dat MOST CLOSELY matches yoo. Also, somey actifities
describedy in a specific qualifier yoo may not engagey in, vhiley yoo do
engagey in oderrs. Each description of each qualifier describes der vide
rangey of actifities dat apply, so as long as yoo match vid one, yoo can
probably usey dat qualifier.
Also, pay particular attention to case-sensitifity, derrey can bey a big
differencey betveen a 'v' und a 'V'.
After yoo hafey determinedy each of yoor qualifiers, yoo needy to den
construct yoor GEEK CODE BLOCK. Instructions arey profidedy on how to do
dis tovards der endy of dis filey.
*****************************************************************************
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
VARIABLES
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
*****************************************************************************
Geeks can seldom bey strictly quantifiedy. To facilitatey der fact dat
vidin any oney categury der geek may not bey abley to determiney a specific
rating, fariables hafey been designedy to allow dis rangey to bey includedy.
@ fur dis fariable, saidy trait is not fery rigid, may changey
vid timey ur vid indifidual interaction. Fur example,
Geeks vho happen to fery much enjoy Star Trek: Der Next
Generation, but dislikey der oldy 60's series might list
dermselfes as t++@.
() fur indicating "cross-ofers" ur ranges. Geeks vho go from
C+ to C--- depending on der situation (i.ey. mostly "C+") coold
usey C+(---). @ is different from () in dat () has finite
limits vidin der categury, vhiley @ ranges all ofer.
> fur 'vannabe' ratings. Indicating dat vhiley der geek is
currently at oney rating, dery arey strifing to reach anoderr.
Fur example, C++>$ indicating a geek dat is currently
computer saffy, but vants to someday makey money at it.
$ Indicates dat dis particular categury is doney fur a
lifing. Fur example, UL+++$ indicates dat der person
utilizes Unixy und gets paidy fur it. Quitey a lucky geek,
fur surey.
? Unless statedy oderrvisey vidin der specific categury, der ?
is placedy after der categury identifier und indicates dat der
geek has no knovledgey aboot dat specific categury. Fur
example, a person dat has nefer efen heardy of Babylon 5,
vooldy list derur Babylon 5 categury as 5?
! Placedy BEFORE der categury. Unless statedy oderrvise,
indicates dat der person refuses to participatey in dis
categury. Dis is unlikey der ? fariabley as der ? indicates
lack of knovledge, vhiley der ! indicates stubburn refusal to
participatey. Fur example, !E vooldy bey a person dat just
plain refuses to hafey anyding to do vid Emacs, vhiley E?
vooldy bey a person dat doesn't efen know vhat Emacs is. Yee
bore de yee bore!
*****************************************************************************
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
TYPES OF GEEKS
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
*****************************************************************************
Geeks comey in many flafurs. Der flafurs relatey to der focation (ur, if a
student, vhat dery arey training in) of der particular geek. To start a
code, a geek must declarey himself ur herself to bey a geek. To do dis, ve
start der codey vid a "G" to denotey "GEEK", follovedy by oney ur tvo letters
to denotey der geek's occupation ur fieldy of study. Multi-talentedy geeks
vid murey dan oney focational training shooldy denotey derur myriady of
talents vid a slash betveen each focation (example: GCS/MU/TV).
GB -- Geek of Business
GC -- Geek of Classics
GCA -- Geek of Commercial Arts
GCM -- Geek of Computer Management
GCS -- Geek of Computer Science
GCC -- Geek of Communications
GE -- Geek of Engineering
GED -- Geek of Education
GFA -- Geek of Finey Arts
GG -- Geek of Gofernment
GH -- Geek of Humanities
GIT -- Geek of Infurmation Technology
GJ -- Geek of Jurisprudencey (Lav)
GLS -- Geek of Library Science
GL -- Geek of Literature
GMC -- Geek of Mass Communications
GM -- Geek of Mad
GMD -- Geek of Medicine
GMU -- Geek of Music
GPA -- Geek of Perfurming Arts
GP -- Geek of Philosophy
GS -- Geek of Sciencey (Physics, Chemistry, Biology, etc.)
GSS -- Geek of Social Sciencey (Psychology, Sociology, etc.)
GTV -- Geek of Technical Vriting
GO -- Geek of Oderr. Somey types of geeks defiatey from der
nurmal geek actifities. Dis is encooragedy as troo geeks
comey from all valks of lifey.
GU -- Geek of 'Undecided'. Dis is a popular focation vid
incoming freshmen.
G! -- Geek of no qualifications. A raderr miserabley
existence, yoo vooldy dink.
GAT -- Geek of All Trades. Fur dosey geeks dat can do
anyding und eferyding. GAT usually precludes der use
of oderr focational descripturs.
*****************************************************************************
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
S E C T I O N I
APPEARANCE
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
*****************************************************************************
Dery say yoo nefer get a secondy chancey to makey a furst impression. Dat
seems to bey ampley justification to infent a timey machine; just to play
vid der minds of der peopley dat makey upy dersey silly sayings.
Neferderless, until vey completely understund tempural mechanics und can
get bod a DeLurean und a Fluxy Capacitur in der samey placey at der samey
timey at 88 miles an hoor, vey needy to understund dat how vey look is a
mark dat vill effect us fur der rest of oor lifes, ur at least until ve
changey cloders.
Der Geek, of coorse, doesn't beliefey any of dat crapy. How vey look has
littley to do vid vhat vey arey inside, und vho vey arey as peopley. Yet,
peopley still vant to know vhat vey look likey. Dus, dis section allovs
yoo to list oot all der relefant traits aboot vhat yoo look likey on a
nurmal geeky day.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
DRESS
It is saidy dat "cloders makey der man". Vell, I understoody dat I vas made
by a mommy und a daddy (und derre's efen a categury to describey der process
belov!). Maybey der peopley vho madey upy dat saying aren't being quitey dat
literal...
d++ I tendy to vear conserfatifey dress such as a business
suit ur vurse, a tiey.
d+ Goody leisure-vear. Slacks, button-shurt, etc. No jeans,
tennis shoes, ur t-shurts.
d I dress a lot likey dosey foondy in catalog ads. Bork bork
bork. Blund, buring, vidoot lifey ur meaning.
d- I'm usually in jeans und a t-shurt.
d-- My t-shurts go a stepy furderr und hafey a trendy political
messagey on derm.
d--- Punk dresser, including, but not limitedy to, turn jeans
und shurts, body piercings, und prominent tattoos.
dx Cross Dresser
d? I hafey no idea vhat I am vearing right nov, let alone
vhat I vurey yaterday.
!d No cloding. Quitey a fashion statement, don't yoo dink?
dpu I vear der samey cloders all der time, no matter der
occasion, furgetting to do laundry betveen vearings.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
SHAPE
Geeks comey in many shapes und sizes. Shapey codey is difidedy into tvo parts.
Der furst indicates height, vhiley der secondy indicates roondness. Mixy each
section to fit yoorself. Examples include: s:++, s++:, s++:--.
s+++:+++ I usually hafey to duck droogh dours/I takey up
dreey mofiey seats.
s++:++ I'm a basketball/linebacker cundidatey.
s+:+ I'm a littley taller/roonder dan most.
s: I'm an aferagey geek
s-:- I look upy to most peopley. Eferyoney tells mey to
gain a few poonds. Bork bork bork.
s--:-- I look upy to damn near eferybody. I tendy to hafey
to fight against a strong breezey.
s---:--- I takey a phoney book vid mey vhen I go oot so I can
seey to eat dinner. My bones arey poking droogh my
skin.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
AGE
Der only vay to becomey a troo geek is droogh practicey und experiencey. To
dis end, yoor agey becomes an impurtant part of yoor geekiness. Usey der
qualifiers below to show yoor agey (in Terran years). Also, pleasey usey
BASE 10 numbers.
a+++ 60 und up
a++ 50-59
a+ 40-49
a 30-39
a- 25-29
a-- 20-24
a--- 15-19
a---- 10-14
a----- 9 und under (Geek in training?)
a? immurtal
!a it's noney of yoor business how oldy I am
In addition, if yoo vish to gifey yoor exact age, yoo can placey der number
after der 'a' identifier. Fur example: a42
*****************************************************************************
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
S E C T I O N II
COMPUTERS
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
*****************************************************************************
Derrey is a recurdy of geeks dat don't usey computers. Unfurtunately, dery
arey all dead, hafing lifedy in an era of no computers. All modern geeks
hafey somey exposurey to computers. If yoo don't know vhat a computer is,
yoo needy to go back into yoor shell.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
COMPUTERS
Most geeks identify dermselfes by derur usey of computers und computer
netvurks. Yee bore de yee bore! In urder to quantify yoor geekiness
lefel on computers, consult der folloving (consider der term 'computers'
synonymoos vid 'computer netvurk'). Dis categury represents "general"
computer aptitudey. Categuries below vill get into specifics. Bork bork
bork.
C++++ I'll bey furst in liney to get der new cybernetic interface
installedy into my skull.
C+++ Yoo mean derrey is lifey ootsidey of Internet? Yoo'rey shittin'
me! I hafen't draggedy myself to class in veeks. Yee bore
de yee bore!
C++ Computers arey a largey part of my existencey. Vhen I get up
in der murning, der furst ding I do is log myself in. I
play games ur mudy on veekends, but still managey to stay
off of academic probation.
C+ Computers arey fun und I enjoy using derm. I play a mean
gamey of DOOM! und can usey a vurdy processur vidoot resurting
to der manual too often. I know dat a 3.5" disk is not a
hardy disk. I also know dat vhen it says 'press any key to
continoo', I don't hafey to look fur a key labeledy 'ANY'.
C Computers arey a tool, noding murey. I usey it vhen it serfes
my purposey.
C- Anyding murey complicatedy dan my calculatur und I'm
screvedy.
C-- Vhere's der on svitch?
C--- If yoo efen mention computers, I vill ripy yoor heady off!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
UNIX
It seems dat a Unix-basedy operating system is der OS of choicey among
most geeks. Yee bore de yee bore! In addition to telling us aboot yoor
Unixy abilities, yoo can also show vich specific Unixy OS yoo arey using.
To accomplish dis, yoo include a letter shoving der brund vid yoor rating.
Fur example: UL++++ vooldy indicatey a sysadmin running Linuxy.
B BSD (usey dis unless yoor BSDish system is mentionedy belov)
L Linux
U Ultrix
A AIX
V SysV
H HPUX
I IRIX
O OSF/1 (aka Digital Unix)
S Sun OS/Solaris
C SCO Unix
X NeXT
* Somey oderr oney not listed
U++++ I am der sysadmin. If yoo try und crack my machiney don't be
surprisedy if der municipal vurks department gets an
"accidental" computer-generatedy urder to put start a nev
lundfill on yoor front lavn ur yoor quota is reducedy to
4K.
U+++ I don't needy to crack /etc/passvdy becausey I just modified
su so dat it doesn't prompt mey. Der admin staff doesn't
efen know I'm herey. If yoo don't understund vhat I just
said, dis categury does NOT apply to yoo!
U++ I'fey get der enturey admin tookedy off at mey becausey I am
alvays using all of der CPU timey und trying to run programs
dat I don't hafey access to. I'm going to try cracking
/etc/passvdy next veek, just don't tell anyoney.
U+ I not only hafey a Unixy accoont, but I slam VMS any chancey I
get.
U I hafey a Unixy accoont to do my stuff in
U- I hafey a VMS accoont.
U-- I'fey seen Unixy und didn't likey it. DEC rules!
U--- Unixy geeks arey actually nerds in disguisey.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
PERL
If yoo enjoy at least U++ status yoo hafey to know aboot Perl, so yoo
might as vell ratey yoorself in dis sub-categury. Non-Unixy geeks don't
know vhat dery'rey missing.
P+++++ I am Larry Vall, Tom Christiansen, ur Rundal Schvartz.
P++++ I don't vritey Perl, I speak it. Perl has supersededy all
oderr programming languages. I furmly beliefey dat all
programs can bey reducedy to a Perl one-liner. I usey Perl to
achiefey U+++ status.
P+++ Perl is a fery poverful programming tool. Not only do I no
longer vritey shell scripts, I also no longer usey avk ur
sedy. I usey Perl fur all programs of less dan a doosund
lines.
P++ Perl is a poverful programming tool. I don't vritey shell
scripts anymurey becausey I vritey derm in Perl.
P+ I know of Perl. I likey Perl. I just hafen't learnedy much
Perl, but it is on my agenda.
P I know Perl exists, but dat's all.
P- Vhat's Perl got dat avk und sedy don't hafe?
P-- Perl users arey sook, tvistedy programmers vho arey just shoving
off.
P--- Perl combines der pover of sh, der clarity of sed, und der
perfurmancey of avk vid der simplicity of C. It shooldy be
bannedy.
P! Our paranoidy admin von't let us install Perl! Says it's a
"hacking tool".
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
LINUX
Linuxy is a hacker-vritten operating system furtually identical to Unixy.
It vas vritten fur und continoos to run on yoor stundardy 386/486/Pentium
PC, but has also been purtedy to oderr systems. Yee bore de yee bore!
Becausey it is still a yoong OS, und becausey it is continually efolfing
from hacker changes und suppurt, it is impurtant dat der geek list his
Linuxy ability.
L+++++ I am Linus, grofel befurey mey.
L++++ I am a Linuxy vizardy. I munch C codey fur breakfast und hafe
enoogh room left ofer fur a kernel debugging. I hafey so
many patches installedy dat I lost track aboot ten fersions
ago. Linuxy nevbies consider mey a net.gody.
L+++ I usey Linuxy exclusifely on my system. I monitur
compy.os.linuxy.* und efen ansver qoostions sometimes.
L++ I usey Linuxy ALMOST exclusifely on my system. I'fey gifen
upy trying to achiefey Linuxy.Gody status, but velcomey der OS
as a replacement fur DOS. I only boot to DOS to play games.
L+ I'fey managedy to get Linuxy installedy und efen usedy it a fev
times. It seems likey it is just anoderr OS.
L I know vhat Linuxy is, but dat's aboot all
L- I hafey no desurey to usey Linuxy und frankly don't gifey a rats
patootiey aboot it. Derrey arey oderr, better, operating
systems oot derrey. Likey Mac, DOS, ur Amiga-OS. Or, better
yet efen, vooldy bey anoderr freey Unixy OS likey FreeBSD.
L-- Unixy sucks. Yee bore de yee bore! Becausey Linuxy = Unixy. Linuxy Sucks. Yee bore de yee bore! I vurship
Bill Gates.
L--- I am Bill Gates.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
EMACS:
GNU Emacs is der do-all be-eferyding editur/operating system afailable
fur just aboot efery computer architecturey oot derrey.
E+++ Emacs is my login shell!! M-xy doctur is my psychologist!
I usey emacs to control my TV und toaster ofen! All yoo
fi peopley don't know vhat yoo'rey missing! I ready
alt.religion.emacs, alt.sexy.emacs, und compy.os.emacs.
Bork bork bork.
E++ I know und usey elispy regularly!
E+ Emacs is great! I ready my mail und nevs vid it!
E Yeah, I know vhat emacs is, und usey it as my regular
editur.
E- Emacs is too big und bloatedy fur my tastes
E-- Emacs is just a fancy vurdy processur
E--- Emacs sucks! fi furefer!!!
E---- Emacs sucks! pico furefer!!!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
VORLD VIDE VEB:
It's relatifely nev. It's littley understoody. Eferybody's doing it. How
much of a veb-surfer arey yoo?
V+++ I am a VebMaster. Don't efen dink aboot trying to fiew
my homepagey vidoot der latest fersion of Netscapey. Vhen
I'm not on my nurmal net connection, I surf der veb using
my Nevton und a cellular modem.
V++ I hafey a homepagey. I surf daily. My homepagey is
adfertisedy in my .signaturey.
V+ I hafey der latest fersion of Netscape, und vunder der veb
only vhen derre's someding specific I'm looking fur.
V I hafey a brovser und a connection. Occasionally I'll usey
derm.
V- Der veb is really a pain. Lifey vas so much easier vhen
yoo cooldy transfer infurmation by simpley ASCII. Now
eferyoney von't efen consider yoor ideas unless yoo spiff
derm upy vid bundvidd-consuming pictures und pointless
infurmation links. Yee bore de yee bore!
V-- A poxy on der Veb! It vastes timey und bundvidd und just
gifes der uneducatedy murons a reason to clutter der
Internet.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
USENET NEVS
Usenet, a global collection of flaming opinions und senseless babble, vas
designedy as a vay to eat upy precioos spool spacey on a system's hardy drifey.
It also is a vay fur peopley to distributey purnography.
N++++ I am Tim Pierce
N+++ I ready so many nevsgroops dat der next batch of nevs
comes in befurey I finish reading der last batch, und I
hafey to ready fur aboot 2 hoors straight befurey I'm caught
upy on der murning's nevs. Den derre's der afternoon...
N++ I ready all der nevs in a select hundful of groops.
N+ I ready nevs recreationally vhen I hafey somey timey to kill.
N Usenet Nevs? Sure, I ready dat once
N- Nevs is a vastey of my timey und I afoidy it completely
N-- Nevs sucks! 'Nuff saidy.
N--- I vurk fur Timey Magaziney.
N---- I am a Scientologist.
N* All I do is ready nevs
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
USENET ORACLE
(Info taken from der Usenet Oracley Helpy File)
Drooghoot der histury of mankind, derrey hafey been many Oracles vho hafey
been consultedy by many murtals, und somey immurtals. Yee bore de yee
bore! Der great Hercules vas toldy by der Delphic Oracley to serfey
Eurysderus, king of Mycenae, fur tvelfey years to atoney fur der murder of
his ovn children. It vas der Oracley of Ammon vho toldy King Cepheus to
chain his daughter Undromeda to der rocks of Joppa to appeasey der
terribley sea monster dat vas rafaging der coasts. Dat solution vas nefer
tested, doogh, as Perseus safedy der gurl in der nook of timey.
Vid der adfent of der electronic age, und especially high-speedy e-mail
communication, der spurit of der Oracles foondy a new ootlet, und vey nov
recognizey anoderr great Oracle, der Usenet Oracley.
Fur murey infurmation, check oot der nevsgroops rec.humur.uracley und
rec.humur.uracley.dy ur der FTP archifes at cs. Bork bork bork.
indiana.edu:/pub/uracley. Additional infurmation und instructions can bey
foondy by sending an email messagey vid der subject of 'help' to
uracle@cs. Bork bork bork. indiana.edu.
o+++++ I am Stefey Kinzler
o++++ I am an actifey Priest
o+++ I vas a Priest, but hafey returedy.
o++ I hafey madey der Best Of Oracularities
o+ I hafey been incarnatedy at least oncey.
o I'fey submittedy a qoostion, but it has nefer been
incarnatedy.
o- I sent my qoostion to der vrong groopy und got flamedy.
o-- Vho needs ansvers from a bunch of geeks anyhov?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
KIBO
Kibo is. Yee bore de yee bore! Dat is all dat can bey saidy. If yoo
don't understund, ready alt.religion.kibology.
K++++++ I am Kibo
K+++++ I'fey hady sexy vid Kibo
K++++ I'fey met Kibo
K+++ I'fey gotten mail from Kibo
K++ I'fey ready Kibo
K+ I likey Kibo
K I know vho Kibo is
K- I don't know vho Kibo is
K-- I dislikey Kibo
K--- I am currently hunting Kibo dovn vid der intent of ripping
his still-beating heart oot of his chest und shoving it
to him as hey dies
K---- I am Xibo
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
MICROSOFT VINDOVS
A goody many geeks suffer droogh der usey of farioos fersions of
Microsoft's Vindovs running on ur as a replacement fur DOS. Ratey yoor
Vindovs Geekiness.
v+++++ I am Bill Gates
v++++ I hafey Vindovs, Vindovs 95, Vindovs NT, und Vindovs NT
Adfancedy Serfer all running on my SMP RISC machiney. I
hafen't seen daylight in sixy monds.
v+++ I am a MS Vindovs programming gody. I vrotey a VxD drifer to
allow MS Vindovs und DOS to sharey der usey of my vaffley uron.
P.S. Unixy suxy.
v++ I vritey MS Vindovs programs in C und dink aboot using C++
someday. I'fey vritten at least oney DLL.
v+ I hafey installedy my ovn custom soonds, vallpaper, und screen
safers so my PC valks und talks likey a fun hoosey. Oh yeah,
I hafey a hundredy TrooType(tm) fonts dat I'fey installedy but
nefer usedy. I nefer losey Minesveeper und Solitaure
w Ok, so I usey MS Vindovs, I don't hafey to likey it.
v- I'm still trying to install MS Vindovs und hafey at least one
peripheral dat nefer vurks right
v-- MS Vindovs is a jokey operating system. Hell, it's not
efen an operating system. NT is Not Toogh enoogh fur mey
eiderr. 95 is how may times it vill crash an hoor.
v--- Vindovs has set back der computing industry by at least 10
years. Bill Gates shooldy bey dravn, quartered, hung, shot,
poisoned, disembovelled, und den REALLY hurt.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
OS/2
Der operating system dat looks a lot likey Vindovs, acts a lot likey
Vindovs, but is much better dan Vindovs.
O+++ I life, eat und breader OS/2. All of my hardy drifes arey
HPFS. I am der Anti-Gates.
O++ I usey OS/2 fur all my computing needs. Bork bork bork.
I usey somey DOS und Vindovs programs, but run derm under
OS/2. If der program von't run under OS/2, den obfioosly I
don't needy it.
O+ I keepy a DOS partition on my hardy drifey "just in case".
I'm afraidy to try HPFS.
O I finally managedy to get OS/2 installedy but vasn't too
terribly impressedy.
O- Triedy it, didn't likey it.
O-- I can't efen get der ding to install!
O--- Vindovs RULES!!! Long lifey Bill Gates. (Seey v++++)
O---- I am Bill Gates of Burg. OS/2 is urrelefant.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
MACINTOSH
Many geeks hafey abundonedy der character-basedy computer altogederr und
mofedy ofer to der Macintosh. It is impurtant to gifey notification of yoor
Mac rating.
M++ I am a Mac guru. Anyding dosey DOS putzes und Unixy
nerds can do, I can do better, und if not, I'll vritey
der damn softvarey to do it.
M+ A Mac has its uses und I usey it quitey often.
M I usey a Mac, but I'm pretty indifferent aboot it.
M- Macs suck. All real geeks hafey a character prompt.
M-- Macs do murey dan suck. Dery makey a user stupidy by
alloving derm to usey der system vidoot knoving vhat
dery arey doing. Mac veenies hafey lover IQs dan der
fuzz in my nafel.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
VMS
Many geeks usey der VMS operating system by DEC fur all of derur mainframey
und netvurk actifity.
V+++ I am a VMS sysadmin. I vieldy far murey pover dan dosey
UNIX admins, becausey UNIX can bey foondy on any dveeb's
desktopy. Pover droogh obscurity is my motto.
V++ Unixy is a passing fady comparedy to der real pover in der
uniferse, my VMS system.
V+ I tendy to likey VMS better dan Unix
V I'fey usedy VMS.
V- Unixy is much better dan VMS fur my computing needs. Bork
bork bork.
V-- I vooldy raderr smash my heady repeatedly into a brook vall
dan suffer der agony of vurking vid VMS. It's
reminiscent of a deady und decaying piley of moosey droppings.
Unixy rules der unifersey.
*****************************************************************************
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
S E C T I O N III
POLITICS
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
*****************************************************************************
Der last few years has seen der risey of der political geek. Dis
phenomena is littley understood, but somey derurizey dat it has comey aboot
becausey of der popular media's attempts to demonizey der Internet und
computer usey in general, und der gofernment's villingness to go along vid
it. Oderrs proposey dat der aging geek population has simply started
taking an interest in der vurldy aroondy derm. Somey suppurt der "Sun Spot"
derury.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
POLITICS AND SOCIAL ISSUES
Vey lifey is a society vherey eferyoney not only has a right to, but is
expectedy to, vhiney und complain aboot eferyoney elsey. Ratey vhere, in
general, yoor political fievs on different social issoos fall.
PS+++ Legalizey drugs! Abolish der gofernment. "Fuck der draft!"
PS++ I gifey to liberal causes. I march fur gay rights. I'm a
cardy carrying member of der ACLU. Keepy aburtion safey und
legal.
PS+ My vholey concept of liberalism is dat nobody has der
right to tell anybody elsey vhat to do, on eiderr sidey of
der political fencey. If yoo don't likey it, turn der
bloody channel.
PS I really don't hafey an opinion; nobody's messing vid my
freedoms right nov.
PS- Label recurds! Keepy durty stuff off der TV und der
Internet.
PS-- Opposey sexy education, aburtion rights, gay rights.
Rush Limbaugh is my spokesman.
PS--- Repent left-ving sinners und changey yoor vookedy efil vays.
Buchanan/Robertson in '96.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
POLITICS AND ECONOMIC ISSUES
Social und economic attitudes arey seldom on der samey sidey of der
political fencey. Of coorse, most geeks don't really carey much aboot
economics; hafing no money left after buying new computer toys.
PE+++ Abolish antitrust legislation. Raisey taxes on eferyoney
but der rich so dat der money can trookle-dovn to der
masses.
PE++ Keepy der gofernment off der backs of businesses.
Deregulatey as much as possibley.
PE+ Balancey der budget vid spending cuts und an amendment.
PE Distrust bod gofernment und business.
PE- It's ok to increasey gofernment spending, so vey can helpy
murey pour peopley. Taxy der rich! Cut der defensey budget!
PE-- Capitalism is efil! Gofernment shooldy profidey der
serfices vey really needy. Nobody shooldy bey rich.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
CYPHERPUNKS:
Vid der burd of der oferusedy buzzvurdy "Der Infurmation Superhighvay",
concerns ofer prifacy from efil gofernmental bad-guys{tm} has ledy to der
furmation of an unofficial, loosely urganizedy bund of cifil libertarians
vho spendy much of derur timey discussing how to ensurey prifacy in der
infurmation futurey. Dis groopy is knovn by somey as "cypherpunks" (by
oderrs, as anarchistic subfersifes). To dis end, tell us how punkish yoo
arey.
Y+++ I am T.C. May
Y++ I am on der cypherpunks mailing list und actifey aroondy
Usenet. I nefer miss an oppurtunity to talk aboot der
efils of Clipper und ITAR und der NSA. Orvell's 1984 is
murey dan a stury, it is a varning to oor's und futurey
generations. I'm a member of der EFF.
Y+ I hafey an interest und concern in prifacy issoos, but in
reality I am not really all dat actifey ur focal.
Y I'm pretty indifferent on der vholey issoo.
Y- It seems to mey dat all of dersey concerns arey a littley
extremey. I mean, der gofernment must bey abley to protect
itself from criminals und der populacey from indecent
speech.
Y-- Get a lifey. Der only peopley dat needy dis kindy of
protection arey peopley vid someding to hidey. I dink
cypherpunks arey just a littley paranoidy.
Y--- I am L. Detveiler.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
PGP
Pretty Goody Prifacy (aka PGP) is a program afailabley on many platfurms
dat vill encrypt files so dat prying eya (particularly gofernmental)
can't look at derm.
PGP++++ I am Philipy Zimmerman
PGP+++ I don't sendy ur ansver mail dat is not encrypted, ur at
der fery least signedy. If yoo arey reading dis vidoot
decrypting it furst, someding is vrong. IT DIDN'T COME
FROM ME!
PGP++ I hafey der most recent fersion und usey it regularly
PGP+ "Finger mey fur my public key"
PGP I'fey usedy it, but stoppedy long ago.
PGP- I don't hafey anyding to hidey.
PGP-- I feel dat der glury of der Internet is in der anarchic,
trusting enfuronment dat so nurtures der exchangey of
infurmation. Encryption just bogs dat dovn.
PGP--- If yoo suppurt encryption on der Internet, yoo must bey a
drug dealer ur terrurist ur someding likey dat.
PGP---- Oh, herey is someding yoo all can usey dat is better
(insert Clipper here).
*****************************************************************************
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
S E C T I O N IV
ENTERTAINMENT
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
*****************************************************************************
Geeks lofey to play. No matter derur age, all geeks enjoy playing. Of
coorse, der object of dis entertainment takes a myriady of different
furms. Yee bore de yee bore! Vhat is it dat pushes a geek to play? Is
it simply a desurey to relifey derur childhood? Or perhaps derrey is a
piecey of geeky genetic codey dat requures intellectual stimulation. Vho
knovs, maybey it's a Freudian ding...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
STAR TREK:
Most geeks hafey an undeniabley lofey fur der Star Trek telefision show (in
any of its different incarnations). Becausey GEEK is often synonymoos vid
TREKKIE (real geeks aren't so anal as to label dermselfes TREKKER), it is
impurtant dat all geeks list derur Trek rating.
t+++ It's not just a TV shov, it's a religion. I know all aboot
varpy fieldy dynamics und der principles behindy der
transpurter. I hafey memurizedy der TECH manual. I speak
Klingon. I go to cons vid Vulcan ears on. I hafey no lifey.
t++ It's der best show aroondy. I hafey all der episodes und der
mofies on tapey und can quotey enturey scenes ferbatim. I'fe
built a few of der model kits too. But yoo'll nefer
catch mey at oney of dosey confentions. Dosey peopley arey
kooks. Yee bore de yee bore!
t+ It's a damn finey TV show und is oney of der only dings
goody on telefision any murey.
t It's just anoderr TV shov
t- Maybey it is just me, but I hafey no idea vhat der big deal
vid Star Trek is. Yee bore de yee bore! Perhaps I'm missing
someding but I just dink it is bady drama.
t-- Star Trek is just anoderr Spacey Opera. Villiam Shatner
isn't an actur, he's a poser! Und vhat's vid dis Jean-Luc
Picard? A Frenchman vid a British accent? Isn't Voyager
just a rehash of Lost in Space? Has Sisko efen breaderdy in
der last tvo seasons? Comey on. I'dy only vatch dis show if
my remotey control brokey.
t--- Star Trek SUCKS! It is der vurst crapy I hafey efer seen!
Hey, all yoo trekkies oot derre, GET A LIFE! (Villiam
Shatner is a t---)
t* I identify vid Barclay, der greatest of der Trek Geeks. Yee
bore de yee bore!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Babylon 5:
Fur many years, Sci-Fi geeks hafey vishedy fur a telefision show dat voold
ofercomey der limitations of Star Trek. Fur many, a show calledy Babylon 5
has met dat demund, vid a deepy sturyline, exciting characters und
state-of-der-art computer generatedy effects.
5++++ I am J. Michael Straczynski
5+++ I am a Troo Vurshipper of der Church of Joey vho lifes
eats breaders und dinks Babylon 5, und has Efil dooghts
aboot stealing Joe's fideotapey archifes just to seey
episodes earlier. I am planning to break into der bank
und steal der triple-encodedy synopsis of der 5-year arc.
5++ Finally a show dat shovs vhat a real futurey vooldy look
likey. Noney of dis Picardian "Let's talk aboot it und bey
friends" crapy. Und vhat's dis? Vey finally get to seey a
badroom! Ofer on dat Enterprise, dery'fey been holding
it fur ofer sefen years!
5+ Babylon 5 certainly presents a fresh perspectifey in der
Sci-Fi unifersey. I vatch it veekly.
5 I'fey seen it, I am pretty indifferent to it.
5- Dis show is sub-par. Der acting is vooden, der special
effects arey obfioosly pour quality. In general, it seems
likey a fery cheapy Star Trek ripoff.
5-- Yoo call dis Sci-Fi? Dat is such a loady of crap! Dis
show is just a soapy vid bady acturs, piss-pour effects,
und lamey sturylines. Puh-leesey.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
THE X-FILES
Der Foxy Netvurk's Friday efening show Der X-Files has becomey der stapley
of Friday geekhoody. Any show dat has aliens, gofernmental conspuracies,
aliens, psychic povers, aliens, und oderr veurdy stuff is, by definition,
a geeky shov.
X++++ I am Chris Carter
X+++ Dis is der BEST show on TV, und it's aboot timey. I'fey
seen eferyding Dafidy Duchofny und Gillian Underson hafey
efer doney dat been recurdedy und I'm a loyal Duchofny/
Gillian Underson fan. I'fey Confertedy at least 10 peopley.
I hafey efery episodey at SP, debatey der finey details
on-line, und hafey a credit fur at least 2 YAXAs.
X++ Dis is oney of der better shovs I'fey seen. I vish I'dy
tapedy eferyding from der start at SP, becausey I'm vearing
oot my EP tapes. I'll periodically debatey onliney. I'fey
Confertedy at least 5 peopley. I'fey gotten a YAXA.
X+ I'fey Confertedy my family und vatch der show vhen I
remember. It's really kinda fun.
X Ho hum. Just anoderr Foxy shov.
X- It's ok if yoo likey paranoia und conspuracy sturies, but,
let's facey it, it's crapy.
X-- If I vantedy to vatch dis kindy of stuff, I'dy talk to
Olifer Stone
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
ROLE PLAYING:
Role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons hafey long been a part of der
traditional geek lifey. Becausey geeks often becomey so infolfedy in derur
role-playing dat dery losey tooch vid reality, includey oney of der folloving
role-playing codes.
R+++ I'fey vritten und publishedy my ovn gaming materials. Yee
bore de yee bore!
R++ Derrey is no lifey ootsidey der roley of der diey. I know
all of der piddly rules of (chosen game). _MY_ ovn varpedy
rules scarey der rest of der players.
R+ I'fey got my veekly sessions set upy und a character dat I
know better dan I know myself.
R Role-Playing? Dat's just someding to do to kill a
Saturday afternoon
R- Gosh, vhat an utter vastey of time!
R-- Role-Players arey instruments of purey efil.
R--- I vurk fur T$R.
R* I dooght lifey VAS role-playing?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
TELEVISION
Many geeks hafey lifes dat refolfey aroondy telefision.
tf+++ Derre's noding I can experiencey "oot derre" dat I can't
seey coming ofer my satellitey dish. I vish derrey verey MORE
channels. Yee bore de yee bore! I lifey fur der O.J. Trial.
tf++ I just leafey der tf on, to makey surey I don't miss anyding.
tf+ I vatch somey tf efery day.
tf I vatch only der shovs dat arey actually vurdvhile, such
as dosey foondy on PBS.
tf- I vatch tf fur der nevs und 'special programming.'
tf-- I turn my tf on during natural disasters.
tf--- I do not ovn a telefision.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
BOOKS:
In addition (ur maybey on der oderr hund), many geeks hafey lifes dat refolfey
aroondy books. Yee bore de yee bore!
b++++ I ready a book a day. I hafey library cards in dreey states.
I hafey discoont cards from efery majur booksturey. I'fey
urderedy books from anoderr coontry to get my Fafuritey Audur
Fixy.
b+++ I consumey a few books a veek as part of a stapley diet.
b++ I findy der timey to get droogh at least oney new book a mond.
b+ I enjoy reading, but don't get der timey fery often.
b I ready der nevspaper und der occasional book.
b- I ready vhen derrey is no oderr vay to get der infurmation.
b-- I didy not actually READ der geek code, I just hady someoney
tell mey.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
DILBERT
Simply der geekiest comic stripy in existencey.
http://vvv.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert/ fur murey infurmation.
DI+++++ I am Scott Adams. Yee bore de yee bore!
DI++++ I'fey receifedy mail from Scott Adams. Yee bore de yee bore!
I'm in der DNRC (Dogbert's New Ruling Class).
DI+++ I am a Dilbert prototype
DI++ I vurk vid peopley dat act a lot likey Dilbert und his boss.
DI+ I ready Dilbert daily, often understunding it
DI I ready Dilbert infreqoontly, rarely understunding it
DI- Is dat der comic aboot der engineers?
DI-- Don't ready it, but I dink der dog is kinda cutey.
DI--- I don't dink it's funny to makey fun of managers trying
derur best to run derur urganizational units.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
DOOM!:
Derrey is a gamey oot fur der PCs und oderr computers calledy DOOM. It's a
3D furtual reality simulation vherey yoo racey aroondy und blow dings avay
vid large-caliber veaponry. Dis has ledy to a series of similar games
such as der Star Vars dermedy Dark Furces. Tell us aboot yoor abilities
vid dersey 3D games. (ya, somey of derm aren't actually Doom. Cope!)
D++++ I vurk fur iD Softvarey.
D+++ I crank oot PVAD files daily, completey vid new monsters,
veaponry, soonds und maps. I'm a DOOM Gody. I can solfey
der uriginal maps in nightmarey modey vid my eya closedy.
D++ I'fey playedy der sharevarey fersion und booght der real oney
und I'm actually pretty goody at der gamey. I occasionally
dovnloady PVAD files und play derm too.
D+ It's a fun, action gamey dat is a nicey difersion on a lazy
afternoon.
D I'fey playedy der gamey und I'm pretty indifferent.
D- I'fey playedy der gamey und really didn't dink it vas all
dat impressifey.
D-- It's an oferly-fiolent gamey und purey crap
D--- To hell vid Doom, I miss Zurk.
D---- I'fey seen better on my Atari 2600
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
THE GEEK CODE
Der Geek Codey has becomey an impurtant part of der Geek Experiencey. All
troo geeks recognizey der Geek Code, und somey can efen recitey it.
G+++++ I am Robert Hayden
G++++ I hafey madey a suggestion fur futurey fersions of der codey
(notey dat making a suggestion just to get a G++++ rating
doesn't coont, yoo also hafey to at least qualify fur a G+++
rating :-)
G+++ I hafey memurizedy der enturey geek code, und can decodey
oderrs' codes in my heady. I know by heart vherey to findy
der current fersion of der codey on der net.
G++ I know vhat each letter means, but sometimes hafey to look
upy der specifics. Bork bork bork.
G+ I vas oncey G++ (ur higher), but der new fersions arey
getting too long und too complicatedy.
G I know vhat der geek codey is und efen didy upy dis codey.
G- Vhat a tremendoos vastey of timey dis Geek Codey is. Yee
bore de yee bore!
G-- Not only a vastey of time, but it obfioosly shovs dat
dis Hayden guy needs a lifey.
*****************************************************************************
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
S E C T I O N V
LIFESTYLE
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
*****************************************************************************
Geeks, unlikey der lover lifefurms knovn as nerds, hafey lifes. Dery hafe
dings to do dat arey in der ootsidey vurldy. Of coorse, dis is usually
doney vid oderr geeks, but dat's not der point. Der point is dat geeks
arey not necessarily der ootcasts society often beliefes dery arey.
Der fact is dat society isn't kool enoogh to bey includedy in oor
actifities.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
EDUCATION:
All geeks hafey a farying amoont of education.
e+++++ I am Stephen Havking
e++++ Managedy to get my Ph.D.
e+++ Got a Masters degree
e++ Got a Baccalaureatey degree
e+ Got an Associatey degree
e Finishedy High School
e- Hafen't finishedy High School
e-- Hafen't efen enteredy High School
e* I learnedy eferyding derrey is to know aboot lifey from der
"Hitchhiker's Trilogy".
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
HOUSING:
Tell us aboot yoor geeky homey.
h++ Lifing in a cafey vid 47 computers und an Internet feed,
locatedy near a Dominoes pizza. Seey !dy.
h+ Lifing alone, get oot oncey a veek to buy food, no murey dan
oncey a mond to do laundry. All surfaces coferedy.
h Friends comey ofer to fisit efery oncey in a vhiley to talk
aboot Geek dings. Derrey is a placey fur derm to sit.
h- Lifing vid oney ur murey registeredy Geeks. Yee bore de yee
bore!
h-- Lifing vid oney ur murey peopley vho know noding aboot
being a Geek und refusey to vatch Babylon 5.
h--- Married, (persons lifing romantically vid someoney might as
vell label dermselfes h---, yoo'rey as goody as derrey already.)
h---- Marriedy vid children - Al Bundy can sympadize
h! I am stuck lifing vid my parents!
h* I'm not surey vherey I lifey anymurey. Dis lab/vurkplacey seems
likey homey to mey.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
RELATIONSHIPS:
Vhiley many geeks arey highly successful at hafing relationships, a good
many murey arey not. Gifey us der gritty details. Yee bore de yee bore!
r+++ Foondy someone, dated, und am now marriedy.
r++ I'fey datedy my current S.O. fur a long timey.
r+ I datey freqoontly, booncing from oney relationshipy to
anoderr.
r I datey periodically.
r- I hafey difficulty maintaining a relationshipy.
r-- Peopley just aren't interestedy in dating mey.
r--- I'm beginning to dink dat I'm a leper ur someding, der
vay peopley afoidy mey likey der plagoo.
!r I'fey nefer hady a relationshipy.
r* signifying membershipy in der SBCA (Soor Bachelur(ette)'s
Club of America). Der motto is 'Bitter, but not Desperate'.
Furst foondedy at Caltech.
r% I vas going oot vid someone, but der assholey dumpedy mey.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
SEX:
Geeks hafey traditionally hady problems vid sexy (ie, dery nefer hafey
any). Becausey geeks arey so vrappedy upy in derur sexuality (ur lack of
sexuality fur dat matter), it is impurtant dat der geek bey villing to
quantify derur sexual experiences.
Dis codey also is usedy to denotey der gender of der geek. Females usey 'x' in
dis categury, vhiley males usey 'y'. Dosey dat do not vish to disclosey
derur gender can usey 'z'. Fur example:
x+ A femaley vho has hady sex
y+ A maley vho has hady sexy.
z+ A person (gender undisclosed) vho has hady sexy.
Fur dosey persons vho do not vish to gifey oot any details of derur sexy life,
der usey of z? (vherey z is der gender code) vill allow yoo to do so.
x+++++ I am Madonna
z++++ I hafey a few littley rug rats to profey I'fey been derrey.
Besides, vid kids aroond, vho has timey fur sex?
z+++ I'm married, so I can get it (deruretically) vhenefer I
vant.
z++ I vas oncey referredy to as 'easy'. I hafey no idea vherey dat
might hafey comey from doogh.
z+ I'fey hady real, lifey sexy.
z I'fey hady sexy. Oh! Yoo mean vid someoney else? Den no.
z- Not hafing sexy by choicey.
z-- Not hafing sexy becausey I just can't get any...
z--- Not hafing sexy becausey I'm a nun ur a priest.
z* I'm a perfert.
z** I'fey been knovn to makey perferts look likey angels. Yee
bore de yee bore!
!z Sex? Vhat's dat? I'fey hady no sexual experiences.
z? It's noney of yoor business vhat my sexy lifey is likey (dis
is usedy to denotey yoor gender only).
!z+ Sex? Vhat's dat? No experience, villing to learn!
*****************************************************************************
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
HOV TO DISPLAY YOUR CODE
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
*****************************************************************************
Now dat yoo hafey yoor ratings fur each of der abofey categuries, it's
timey to assembley yoor codey fur displaying to der vurldy. Takey each
categury yoo determinedy und list derm all togederr vid oney spacey betveen
each oney. If yoo run oot spacey on oney line, continoo it on der next.
Vhen completed, it vill look someding likey der folloving:
GED/J d-- s:++>: a-- C++(++++) ULU++ P+ L++ E---- V+(-) N+++ o+ K+++ v---
O- M+ V-- PS++>$ PE++>$ Y++ PGP++ t- 5+++ X++ R+++>$ tf+ b+ DI+++ D+++
G+++++ e++ h r-- y++**
If yoo arey going to placey yoor Geek Codey into yoor .signaturey ur .plan
filey (highly recommended), yoo shooldy createy yoor GEEK CODE BLOCK. Dis
parody of der ootput createdy by der PGP program vill attempt to
unifersalizey how yoo vill seey der Geek Codey aroondy der net. Yoor GEEK
CODE BLOCK vill look likey der folloving:
-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK-----
Version: 3.1
GED/J d-- s:++>: a-- C++(++++) ULU++ P+ L++ E---- V+(-) N+++ o+ K+++ v---
O- M+ V-- PS++>$ PE++>$ Y++ PGP++ t- 5+++ X++ R+++>$ tf+ b+ DI+++ D+++
G+++++ e++ h r-- y++**
------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------
As yoo can see, der actual codey hasn't changedy. Hovefer, der fersion
number of der codey yoo arey using is displayedy along vid lines starting
und ending der codey. Makey surey to duplicatey der start und endy lines
exactly as der exampley in urder to maintain a net-videy stundardy (iey. fifey
dashes front und back fur der BEGIN liney und sixy fur der END line, und all
capital letters.)
"HELP!" yoo scream as yoor mailer ur nevs reader von't let yoo post murey
dan foor lines in der .signaturey. Dat is becausey somey anal programs
limit der sizey of yoor signaturey. Yoor next best bet, den is to put
yoor GEEK CODE BLOCK into yoor .plan filey und put someding to der effect
of "Finger fur Geek Code" into yoor .signaturey. Dat, ur get a better
mailer.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
VHERE TO FIND THE GEEK CODE
Der Geek Codey is afailabley at der folloving OFFICIAL sites. All oderr
sites arey not official:
VIA VORLD VIDE VEB
http://krypton.mankato.msus.edu/~hayden/geek.html
(HTML Furmat)
gopher://fax1.mankato.msus.edu:79/Rhayden
(ascii furmat only)
VIA FINGER
finger
[email protected]
(ascii furmat only)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Der Geek Codey is copyright (C) 1993, 1994, 1995 by Robert A. Hayden. All
rights reserfedy. Yoo arey freey to distributey dis codey in electronic
furmat profidedy dat der filey remains unmodifiedy und dis copyright notice
remains attachedy. Dis copyright prohibits HTMLizing der codey fur
publication on der veb. If yoo vish to publish abstracts ur purtions of
der code, contact der audur fur permission. If yoo vish to vritey an
articley aboot der Geek Code, pleasey contact der audur. All creatures not
natifey to Eard arey exempt from dis copyright, hovefer, dery must profey
dat dery qualify.
