!Theory of reality
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agk's diary
26 Jauary 2024 @ 02:19 UTC
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written on GPD Win 1
in living room with granola bar
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Tonight I went to a meeting of [nearby city] for
Palestine, a group started by a local woman and
some of her friends after we talked at a bonfire
about nearby defense contractors and their power
over our federal representative.
Her and her friends' theories of action seem like
they're different from mine. They mostly work in
or associate with the college and nonprofit worlds.
I don't like those worlds, even though I think I
like these people. But I hate being in a meeting
with them.
My theory of action: Throw out a hypothesis about
reality, about how the world works in relation to
our goal. Take action brashly, but action intended
to test our hypothesis. Reflect. Repeat.
I think we want Israel to stop bombing, allow
unrestricted aid, release Palestinian hostages and
prisoners, shoulder responsibility for rebuilding,
end occupation, apartheid, and Jewish supremacy,
and surrender its nukes. I don't think all those
are on everyone's mind, but I expect broad
agreement.
I think our hypothesis is: without US armaments
and ammunition, diplomatic cover, and military
belligerence in the region, at least the first
three would have had to happen by now. We then have
probably different hypotheses about what leverage
we have in concert with the many others like us.
Maybe a more educated public would be a lever that
would achieve our goal. Maybe embarrassment,
rising costs, or devaluing defense industry stocks
would be levers. Maybe electeds who feel they can't
stay in office without moving in our direction, or
electeds who campaign on ceasefire etc and win are
levers. Maybe social media. Maybe art. Maybe more
people in the meeting.
I think our unspoken hypotheses are all wrong, mine
included. We get closer to a correct analysis by
stating a wrong one, taking action, reflecting,
modifying it, taking action again, ever more
closely approximating reality.
People from nonprofit world want to talk about how
meetings will be run, how the group should be
organized, peoples' capacity (what even is that?).
Some of that's their management class culture I
guess. It's a fruitless quest for virtue. It
manages conflict, screens out people like me, keeps
vulnerability and intimacy at bay.
I think they want to replicate "actions" discussed
about in Signal messenger chats by [bigger city]
for Palestine. I think it's a mythic kind of
consciousness wedded to ritual action, not the
seat-of-the-pants scientific investigation I tried
to lay out above.
People do get some big wins through collectively
replicating each others' behavior, never explicitly
stating their theory of reality or evaluating what
they learn through action. The way I was taught is
not always the correct way. But how will you know
when you're winning? How will you prioritize, given
your limited capacity?
I left the meeting with my bored toddler after an
hour. She needed mama attention; meetings shouldn't
last more than an hour, but theirs routinely do. I
felt isolated, alienated, bored, and lonely; shut
up, blocked, frustrated. People I learned my theory
of action from, who learned theirs from the Viet
Cong, War on Poverty-funded groups, and other
formations from before or outside the nonprofit
world told me nonprofits are counterinsurgency.
I'm inclined to agree.
