!Hope: Home stretch
---
agk's diary
1 December 2021 @ 09:53
---
written on Pinebook Pro
by myself in the house before class
---
In a week this semester of nursing school will be
over. I'll have a break to visit, feel the excite-
ment of the advent of Christmas, be with my family,
and maybe tinker with my motorcycle or single-board
computers.
Since school started this fall, I watched my baby
grow from a little Squidward to a child, full of
personality, sitting unassisted on her sheepskin,
busy with a string of spools, a kitchen timer, and a
wooden spoon.
I watched Evy embrace motherhood. Yesterday by the
creek, she said about our daughter, "She trusts me
because she has to. I'm raising her because I want
to." We had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with her
parents. We worked hard to get here.
Cassie moved back to her home state. She has started
to make a good place there already. She was Ursula for
halloween, is settling into her new job, and found her
way back to creative output and community-building.
I'm so proud of her.
School dominated my life. I fought, thrashing around,
hating the mess of webapps, but learned to do it
anyway. I fought the crazy schedule and my desire to
drop out and just be a mom, but tamed it to a degree
with a spreadsheet, a process of reflection and boun-
dary setting, a support person in the college of
nursing, and help from Evy. I cut back at work from
full-time to part-time to PRN.
I also worked through multiple write-ups for forget-
ting and missing clinical requirements. A few weeks
ago, I don't think my professors thought I'd make it
through the semester. But I almost have! I grew from
timid to bold with turns, peri-care, physical assess-
ment, collecting and organizing clues to arrive at
clinical judgments, administering meds, and a dozen
other skills. This might not be my first time, but I'm
learning stuff, keeping it together, moving forward.
My dad retired last Sunday after forty years of
parish ministry: preaching, visiting the sick, lead-
ing bible study and Christian formation, church
administration, sheltering the homeless, building
international partnerships, counseling church-campers,
hospice ministry, prayer, weddings, funerals,
baptisms, and communions.
Advent is a time to prepare in hope, love, joy, and
peace for the coming of our salvation. It's my favor-
ite season. Part of preparing is letting go. In the
week of hope I'm looking forward to this break from
school. I can't wait to see dad. I'm so excited for
my parents to have a few days with my daughter. I'm
looking forward to reading with Cassie, traveling
with Evy, and walking down to the creek through her
first snow with my growing baby.
