!Trust is among your greatest riches
---
agk's phlog
7 Mar 2021 @ 2146
---
written on x61
waiting for the washer to finish
so I can move my scrubs to the dryer
---
The child and I worked out the series of
events that got him in trouble. Trevor took
his cup, the child got mad and hit him.
Something happened, he had a feeling, he
reacted.
He kept trying to impress me with his coping
skills. "They're no good if you can't stop
yourself from reacting long enough to use
them," I said.
We practiced reaction-stoppers: I swiped his
cup. He got mad and sat on his hands. Then he
used a coping skill and told a teacher. I
swung at him. He got mad, got out of the room,
used a coping skill, then came back and told
a teacher.
Of course I was proud.
An hour later, Stephen took the child's
checkers. He got mad, postured to fight. "Sit
on your hands," I said. Stephen came closer,
the child got madder, postured.
"I'll walk out of the room, Ms Anna," he said.
He used his walk to get closer to Stephen to
try to hit him. He found himself suddenly in
the hall with me, door closed. "Get away from
me, you fucking bitch," he howled.
When the child calmed and we were back in the
day room, I said to another staff, so the child
could hear: "I trusted him to go out the door.
He misused my trust to get close to Stephen to
try and hit him."
He looked uncomfortable. "Trust is one of your
greatest riches," I told him. "You earned mine,
then you lost it. It's hard to earn back, but I
think you can do it."
I wish I was patient with my friends like I am
with the children.
After work, I learned I haven't talked enough
with my treasured friend of many years. Last
year she once offered to plan my wedding. Now
wedding is one month away, planning is on me
and my partner, and I have to tell this to my
partner.
We have care and support from people in our
daily life who love us, but they never
offered to plan our wedding.
I felt surprised, hurt, betrayed, and abandoned
like my kids at the hospital. I wasn't kind,
understanding Ms Anna. My treasured friend of
many years was as unprepared for my request and
need for her support as I was for her semi-
refusal and need for my understanding.
We didn't sit on our hands. We used plays for
understanding to break more trust. Then I
childishly "howled in the hallway" and hung up
on her in anger.
I'm sure we look uncomfortable to our families
in our respective states. Trust is among our
greatest riches. We earned each others' over
many years. Now we damaged it. It's hard to
earn back -- and there's a wedding to plan,
an illness to accept, children to raise, a
baby coming, a pandemic and recession to
weather...
..but my friend knows I love her and I know
she loves me. We've known each other a long
time.
