I work setting up phones every day. Anywhere from 0 (nice) to 5 a day.
It requires a lot of travel = a lot of stress. To add to this stress
is good old Apple with their dogshit phones and their dogshit updates
and their dogshit "security."
Today I have a "light" load: 2 setups. Fine. Great, actually. I can
dick around the rest of the time. Cool. I drive for around 3 hours
today. Again, that's a light day. Latter job is in the middle of
nowhere (at least the road is paved). Close enough to home. Great.
Just have to set up an iPhone. They always take longer, but not that
long. Worst case: I have to leave while the iOS updates for 20 minutes
to 4 fucking hours.
But no. This job couldn't be easy. It's a fucking iPhone 7. Apple
thinks it's not fucking supposed to work. You haven't made your annual
wallet sacrifice to Apple in 3-4 years. That's no good. Fuck you,
Apple customer (from Apple). We won't even let you get through the 3rd
setup step (the first two are selecting language and region). You can
eat shit waiting for more than an hour for a process that should take
less than 10 minutes. We'll make you wait on hold for support that
will give you instructions that will not help. Oh, you're waiting for
around 10 fucking minutes every time it tries to activate? Well,
you'll just have to keep fucking trying it until it fails and gives
you a way out. Haha. Just kidding. We're not going to let you get past
this step. You've tried 3 different SIM cards. You've tried accessing
the account and manually entering the data. Nope. Fuck you for having
an iPhone 7 in 2020. Fuck the helpless tech support guy who is
standing in your dirty fucking yard getting bitten by mosquitoes and
other insects while trying to set up your old phone that's made by a
piece of shit company that's sole reason for existence is to extract
money from you on a regular basis.
And the best part: the customer. "Oh, I didn't know you sent an actual
person to help set up the phone." Yeah. Nice. I could be back at work
in actual civilization but I have to go deliver your dogshit phone
because you weren't paying attention. It's fine. You're a person who
didn't even finish high school or get a GED until you were well into
adulthood, so why would you bother to look at the fucking options on
the website? Nah, just click next. No wonder you have a fucking Trump
2020 flag flying in your yard, you fucking redneck idiot fuck. At
least you had to pay for your stupidity in buying Apple shit by having
to go to a store to get your shit fixed because after an hour and a
half I can't fucking activate this piece of shit. And I can't take out
my endless frustrations at being stonewalled by a piece of silicon and
glass on you because a) you've been nice to me and b) I'd probably get
fired. But it's not your fault that Apple makes shitty fucking
disposable phones. It's Apple's. It's your fucking fault for buying
the piece of shit in the first place and it's your fucking fault for
breaking it. But it's fine because you aren't the first nightmare
iPhone setup nor will you be the last.
To any of you burrowers looking at this that still uses Apple: stop
feeding the monster. Stop buying those piece of shit phones. Stop
buying those piece of shit computers. Stop fucking around in a walled
garden that's incompatible not just because of poor coding, but
because it's fucking profitable for them to make your digital life
fucking hell if you use any non-Apple electronic device. I used Mac OS
X El Capitan with 32 GB RAM doing web development, and the shit still
crashed. $5k for that iMac. And it still sucked ass and crashed just
like any other computer. I grew up with Apple computers in the 90s.
I've been using them on and off for decades: they still fucking suck
and the PTBs have just gotten greedier.
Get Windows. Get a BSD/Linux system. Get an Android phone. Get a
Windows phone. Get a fucking flip phone. Get a computer/tablet/phone
that isn't designed by shitheads in ivory towers with more money than
they know what to do with. Stop believing the bold-faced LIE that
Apple is just easier. It's not. It's the exact fucking opposite. It's
harder. It's more headache-inducing. It's not fucking intuitive. The
power button should allow you to turn the fucking phone off, not pull
up Siri. These fucking idiots won't let you restore your phone with a
backup unless you have WiFi. That's Apple. That's the shit company
you're dealing with. Give me Windows 10, that sluggish-as-fuck-on-HDDs
OS that sends usage data every 10 seconds, over that fucking asshole
company that is a fucking mockery of its motto, its branding, and its
founders. Apple was dying of pancreatic cancer the same fucking time
as Jobs was. Jobs was never great on prices, but at least the machines
weren't total fucking disposable shit. Guess what? On the high-end
Apple products, the ones with more storage, the ones with a much
heftier pricetag, the setup process is generally easier/quicker, and
it's not because of the processor. It's because they have to bloat
that shit and make sure you're not more than a year behind on your
iPhone model. And a sincere fuck you to anyone reading who still
thinks Apple is great when they are a giant fuck-you to digital
freedom, choice, and consumer-friendly practices. And to be equal,
fuck me for not going on this rant every time I have to set up an
iPhone and telling the iDiots to get a phone that doesn't suck ass
24/7.
