100 - So useful.
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I had this dream the other night, first one in a
while. I'm in some kind of open-air workshop, with
long work tables set up in rows, and lots of us
are around them and working on these things I
can't remember. We're all tinkering away, and
talking and co-operating and all that, but then
awful gruesome stuff starts happening. Like,
people's skin starts sloughing off, fingers snap
in two, ankles break, and so on. But nobody
reacts, and we just carry on. And some of us are
wrapping rags around big wounds, limping around on
crutches and splints, standing on one foot, using
one hand. But we just keep on going and working.
It gets worse and worse, everyone falling to
pieces. Until eventually we're all crumbled and
crawling around on the ground, trying to hoist
ourselves up to the tables again to keep going,
but we're all so broken that we can't even. I sort
of roll onto my back, and see that a bunch of elfs
had come by. They're wordlessly picking up and
carrying away our work tables. And I remember
trying to cry out, "Hey, wait, I was working on
that!" But I'm such a shambles by then, that it's
barely a whisper and nobody can hear me. I can't
hardly even move. They carefully step over me.
Then I notice I am looking up into the branches of
an old elm tree. Also I see members of my family
standing nearby. It's my mom, and my dad, and
Beth and little Evan and Lara. They're all
looking down at me as I lie there, falling apart
on the ground. But they aren't upset. Not
horrified or scared, not angry or sad or panicked
or crying, not grieving or sympathizing or
reaching down in assistance. They're just there,
recognizing. Recognizing that this was a thing
that was happening right now. Recognizing that it
was... well, not "okay", but it was just like, a
thing that was happening. I don't know. But for
that, in that moment, I felt so loved.
And then, two birds fly down out of a nest in the
tree above me. One tears out a tuft of my hair,
and the other rips a strip of sinew from my side.
And through my one eye that still points upwards,
I watch them take these pieces of me, fly back up
to their eggs in their nest, and repair the side
of it. I break into a wide, toothless grin. And
I feel so, so... I don't exactly know. So useful.
And then I wake up.
