Dilip
<
[email protected]> 12 Dec 2020
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My life in 2020 and the next 5 years.
Every year for the past four years, I've developed a habit of reviewing
my life and where I'm going. I've found that the act of writing down
the details of my life has been beneficial. This year has wrecked all
plans and has been very unusual - it's still worth going through all
the plans I had for this year and to review how I did on each of these.
My 2020 goals set in 2019.
==========================
I'm looking at my journal for the goals I had set in 2019. I wrote
I have too many goals - I must prioritize. After
a quick glance at what I just wrote, my top priorities
are
1. Lose weight.
2. Start working on a career change.
3. Cut spending.
4. Start dating and socializing.
-
I've had poor to mediocre success in progressing towards my goals. I
managed to lose 10lbs by August, but I couldn't keep up the discipline
to cook healthy food and to manage my calorie intake. I gained most of
the weight I had lost, now I am only 3lbs lighter than when I started.
I spent a lot of time thinking about changing my career. I decided that
the best thing to do is to prepare for a GMAT exam and to write the
test in 2021. I signed up for GMAT lessons, did my homework and
completed the course. I did poorly in the practice exams during the
course - I lost all motivation to progress. I know I must find some
grit and grind through the GMAT preparation.
This year has been expensive. I have been stuck at home, and I've had
little motivation to cook food for myself every single day. My largest
expense has been food, and I have spent a ridiculous amount on food. I
have managed to avoid impulse purchases for most of this year. I didn't
buy anything I didn't really need.
LOL at trying to date when California has shut itself down in the
middle of a pandemic. I have managed to develop new friends and managed
to retain what little social contacts I have locally. But generally, I
have completely failed at making any progress towards these goals.
2021 goals.
===========
The most important goal for 2021 is to make sure I heal from whatever
mental health issues I've developed over this year. Right now, I feel
fine. I suspect that as the world returns to normal, I will discover
that I have not actually been ok, that I've performed mental gymnastics
to deceive myself to survive this year. This might not have happened,
but I should not expect that I will return to a post-pandemic world
easily.
The second most important goal for 2021 is to fall back into healthy
habits. Exercise regularly, eat healthy, lose weight, drink water and
sleep well. The simple stuff. I want to go back to the basics in 2021
and spend the year getting good at the basics by consciously practicing
good habits over and over till I develop muscle-memories.
The third goal I set for myself is to go out and socialize when the
world returns to normal. I can't handle loneliness for much longer. I
should try and spend more time working towards more rewarding
relationships.
Finally, I want to follow through and write the GMAT in 2021. There's a
lot of thinking to be done about actually pursing a career change, but
that can happen later. I've invested a lot in preparing for the GMAT, I
should follow through and write the exam.
Beyond 2021.
============
I've discovered that I spend a lot of time dreaming about situations
where I am acknowledged by people around me. Writing a novel so that I
can be famous, or building a nice big house so that I can invite people
over. I know that I am an ambitious person, and having big dreams is
what makes ambitious people ambitious. However, I should really think
hard about a simple life. Family, friends, community.
If I have these and I enjoy it, will I really want to live a big life?
I probably will, but for the sake of my future self, I should think
really hard about steering my life towards the simple goals first. The
big dreams will always still be there.
The Cat Stevens song is playing in my head right now:
Father and Son.
It's not time to make a change
Just relax, take it easy
You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to know
Find a girl, settle down
If you want you can marry
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.
I was once like you are now
An I know that it's not easy
To be calm when you've found
Something's going on
But take your time, think a lot
Think of everything you've got
For you will still be here tomorrow
But your dreams may not
- Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam
What I have discovered is that an important signal that I'll have
something in life is that I would have wanted it at some earlier time.
There have been many gifts in life that I didn't know I wanted till I
had it, but those surprises will always be there. It is important for
me to acknowledge that dreams and goals are important to how I function
as an adult.
I don't think I should set aside my dreams to settle down. I'll feel
sad if I did that. Instead, I should add dreams of settling down to my
other dreams, let these dreams merge and mingle and consolidate into a
meaningful path forward.
That should be my the way I grow in 2021.
